I am a volunteer.  I am a volunteer.  Do you hear me loud and clear?

I’m just here to be a volunteer.  I have no doubts or fears and never shed a tear.  A volunteer is more than any career.

As a volunteer I suffer through each day sometimes in pain and agony, but I must heed to other people in need.

I not only volunteer my time, I bring goodies on a platter for this is what really matters.

So have you, yes you, that’s whom I’m addressing this to.  Have you helped anyone who is grieving or in need?  If not, what are you doing to enrich your life?  You can’t be going through any kind of strife.  Do you utilize your time like I do mine?

Why must I adhere to being a volunteer just because this is your idea? What right do you have to inflict your might on how I should live my life?  Who’s to say I’m not helping others in my own way.

You’re not a teacher or a preacher.  Your letter has made me feel bad and sad, but I’m not mad.  What a way to end my day.

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

Satire

All Rights Reserved

Don’t let faith turn into hate.  Freedom and democracy is what made America a great country.

It’s now become a hot topic on whether or not it’s right to build a Mosque near Ground Zero while the controversy continues over respect for the loss of loved ones, the victims and heroes.

People shout and have their doubts, but what it is really all about?  Some American Muslims might be terrorists.  This is true, but it’s the radicals that have been brought to justice.  America is a country of Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism and many other religions.  Let’s not make the wrong decision.

While there is good and bad in every society we the people must not view one’s religion with cynicism or skepticism.

Every American has constitutional rights, but the doctrine does not cover using your might and getting into a fist fight. The basis of our American Constitution dictates freedom of speech, religion and civil rights.

So what do we know about Sharia or Islamic Law and what does it stand for?  Totalitarianism a political system which contradicts the foundation of our laws, American Constitution and the vision of our Founding Fathers.

Citizens anger over the construction of an Islamic Mosque in close proximity to rebuilding the World Trade Center just down the block.

Suppose the Mosque does not relocate and the Islamic center becomes a place where Muslims practice their faith.  How will we deal with this reality?  Unbeknownst Muslims have been praying at the center for months.  On a different note, suppose the Mosque moved further away.  Did we have the right to say go pray somewhere else today?

The World Trade Center is on hallowed ground and many victim’s bones have not been found.  Some 9/11 family members intend to rally supporting the mosque and Islamic center in downtown New York.

We must settle this controversy amicably or else it will turn into a national tragedy.

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

All Rights Reserved

(Love to all – Hate to none)

This shady lady hides her eyes, wears all kinds of crazy head pieces and hairdos, thick eyeshadow enhancing her dark eyebrows, heavy eyeliner, glittery nail polish, cool shades of lipstick and unpredictable smashin’ fashion.  Fans love Gaga’s skimpy clothes.  The lady knows how to put on a very sexy show.

Bitch Goddess

She became a “Beautiful, Dirty, Rich” bitch riding his disco stick and rose to fame playing the “LoveGame.”   Then this hot sexy mama moved into the “Haus of Gaga” where she took a bath, showed her ass and rolled her googly eyes from side to side.  “Eh Eh” what else can we say Lady Gaga is on her way.

From “Poker Face” to hottie “Paparazzi” Gaga showed us how she can “Just Dance” out of a “Bad Romance.”

Snitchin’ Prison Bitches

Then the shady lady hooked up with another crook, Beyonce’ in the erotic video “Telephone.”  Sexy Gaga who lands in the can is shown wearing dark butterfly shaped sunglasses and dressed in black and white low cut stripe jail garb with her boobs partially sticking out, then stripped down nude by two female prison guards and thrown into a cell that looks like hell.  You can see a blurry view of Gaga’s genitals as she’s only wearing panty hose and a nipple-pastie on one boob as the white-trash guard says, “told you the chick didn’t have a dick.”

The next scene shows Gaga dressed in chains wearing sunglasses made out of lit cigarettes as she mingles among some sleazy slutty dressed inmates in the exercise yard.  One inmate kisses and licks Gaga on the neck.  Unexpectedly a guard calls Gaga over the loudspeaker telling her there’s a telephone call from Beyonce’.

She leaves the yard, enters the jail and removes her dark glasses.  The inmates start fighting, kicking and slapping landing on their asses.  Blonde sexy Gaga has huge rollers in her hair, heavy makeup, painted ruby lips, black cat shaped eyeliner, white powdery eyeshadow and thick eyebrows.  She’s the cat’s meow.  Gaga picks up the phone and says hello baby I can’t hear a thing, you’re breaking up on me, I’m kinda busy.  Then Gaga removes her beaded motorcycle jacket and starts dancing down the jail hallway with other inmates in black beaded bras, bikini panties and high heel booties.  Lady Gaga looks great wrapped from head to toe in bright yellow crime scene tape.

Sizzling Gaga is bailed out of jail and meets up with her accomplice Beyonce’ in a yellow pussy van.  The two take off to this diner where they plan to poison the patrons and this bad man.  These slick chicks arrive at the home style diner and get ready for some killing cooking.

Gaga in an apron and cool blue telephone baker’s hat is in the kitchen making sandwiches, flippin’ pancakes and whippin’ up a poison mix.  Bitchy Gaga comes out of the kitchen serving the patrons including the bad man tasty poisoned dishes.  The finale shows Gaga and Beyonce’ dancing in dresses and panties made of American-flag shredded denim.

By now all the patrons are dead as Gaga and Beyonce’ get into their pussy van  heading to the open highway.  In the ending scene Gaga wearing a leopard-print catsuit is dancing.  The cops are on a massive search for these two murdering jerks.

Goth Dance-Pop

Miss Gaga inspired us with a gothic scene showing this gay Nazi soldier sitting in a chair wearing fishnet stockings and high heels followed by a band of close-cropped floppy black haired military men dancing to the music of “Alejandro” as Gaga relates to Roberto and Fernando.  Ooo-la-la here comes the pistol packin’ hot mama in a black “machine gun bra.”

Gaga walks alongside a coffin in a religious plastic habit with painted ruby lips.  Goo-Goo Gaga is sucking and swallowing black rosary beads.  We see the sexy lady in a horny gay orgy wearing a striking red latex crucifix on her top and crotch bikini.  The choreography is absolutely stunning.

Lyrics vs. Music Video

Perhaps you missed the difference between “Alejandro” lyrics and the new music video.  The song has a Latin (Mexican) beat while the video shows military men in Nazi Germany.  These fantastic song lyrics and music video are not a perfect fit.  What a pity Miss Gaga’s video is silly, but quite thrilling.

Hard-Working Creative Artist

Her “little monster” fans look up to Lady Gaga as a pop goddess.  She’s not only a great entertainer, but a damn hard-working creative artist.

Hurrah Lady GaGa

Stephani Joanne Angelina Germanotta born on March 28, 1986 became the hottest American recording artist.  The 24-year-old New York City singer-songwriter scored 13 video music awards.

Lady Gaga an exhibitionist loves to pound her feet on the piano.

Gaga’s “Fame Monster Ball” worldwide concert tour leaves fans screaming for more.

YouTube Views

Lady GaGa is the first artist to surpass other music idols with one billion views on YouTube of her popular videos, “Poker Face” “Just Dance” and “Bad Romance.”

GaGa Lollapalooza

Gaga might have been a loser few years back at Lollapalooza when she earned around $1,000, but now she’s all body and soul at $250,000 raring to go.  Wear a Lady Gagapalooza t-shirt and enjoy the show.  Gaga’s little monster motto “You can be anyone you want to be.  Anything is possible.”

Sexy “Twitter” Queen

Lady Gaga surpassed Britney as the new sexy “Twitter” queen.  Gaga thanks her little monsters.

(The rest of this neat GaGa rhyming piece will be available for purchase shortly)

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics by (Francke) the Yankee

aka The Jester from Westchester (Satire)

All Rights Reserved

Have we learned anything since the 2004 great debate?  How will you rate each candidate?  Some people felt that Bush was a pain in the tush while others viewed Kerry as more astute and quite merry.  Kerry got whipped by Bush because he flopped and flipped.  Then along came John McCain who tried to beat Obama the charmer, but it was too late for the lame duck candidate.

We’re still in the same old political game of power and fame, but this time around it’s the Tea Party and Sarah Palin’s “2012″ presidential campaign.

Whether it’s the economy, terrorism or the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, most of us tend to look back over the last 4 years.  Then we start to analyze what is our biggest fear?  Are the candidates making their issues clear?

It’s important to listen to each candidate’s mission for we all have to go to the polls on November 2nd and make the right decision.  Who will get the job done?  Soldiers are coming back from Iraq while McCain says the Afghan war can be won.  Iraqi civilians are still being killed.  Our soldiers are fighting and dying in these foreign countries.

What about our Social Security system and health care?  Who’s looking after our welfare?  Are we heading toward the prison of socialism?

People still search for work and perks.  Most of the jobs have disappeared over the years.  Is our government appeasing foreign countries?  It’s no surprise that our deficit is on the rise.  Bailouts and stimulus money did absolutely nothing to move the economy.

Remember, this is more than a personality contest.  The person you select must do his or her best.  The rest is up to you to choose the better candidate to keep this country great.

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

Poetic Rhetoric (Satire)

All Rights Reserved

Should celebrities get away with what they do or say?  Can 54-year-old Mel Gibson recover from the alleged domestic violent attack on his girlfriend and jealous rage against actor, Timothy Dalton on a tape recorded to his sexy ex, Oksana Grigorieva who was previously married to Bond’s “007″ Dalton.  They have one 12-year-old son.  While the feud continues between Mel and ex-girlfriend Oksana, Timothy Dalton is giving support to his son’s mama.

Russian singer-songwriter Oksana has a big fight on her hands for she recorded a CD “Beautiful Heartache” in which Mel Gibson co-wrote and holds some of the publishing rights.  He is also an executive producer and owner of Icon Records Company.

We heard the alleged tapes, but are they real or fake?  Now Mel’s attorneys are not denying that it’s his voice, but have given no statement on his abusive comments.

Let’s get back to the “Mad Max” verbal attack on Jews, Latinos and Blacks.  Mel Gibson apologized to a Malibu, California Jewish police officer, but has the public really forgiven the “DUI” racist guy?  Then Mel felt he was humiliated and came out swinging with insulting threatening remarks to a well-known Jewish Hollywood person who might have been in the motion picture business that he allegedly wanted to disfigure.

Now Mel is allegedly accused of hitting his Russian born ex-girlfriend, 40-year-old Oksana Grigorieva and their child, Lucia.  The rage and violent dirty words threatening Oksana are caught on tape.  Mel Gibson’s reputation is at stake.

At the beginning of 2010, Oksana first reported Mel’s abusiveness and drinking rage to Los Angeles authorities when her son saw him with a gun punching his mother in the face leaving her black and blue while damaging some upper teeth.  She has a photo showing daughter Lucia with a bruise on her face.  There’s no way Mel Gibson can erase the bitter disgrace.  Mel claims Oksana was cheating, but no woman deserves a beating.

The Department of Children and Family Services have intervened over charges of child abuse as Mel Gibson and his ex-girlfriend are battling over custody of their 9-month-old baby.

There is an ongoing investigation into the actor’s claims of Oksana’s tape extortion.  Oksana’s meal ticket was supposed to be a $15 million deal from Mel Gibson in child support, a house and other assets if she agreed to keep the disgraceful tapes secret.  Nothing has been signed on the dotted line.

Mel sends sex text messages to Oksana apologizing and asking her forgiveness while he’s still trying to deal with his bitterness.

Now another ex-girlfriend named Violet Kowal, a Polish porn star who had an intimate relationship with Mel Gibson claims he was abusive.  They allegedly had an affair when Oksana was pregnant with Mel’s baby.  Kowal has recorded messages from Gibson ranting and screaming on numerous occasions from his home and cell phone.  The alleged ex-mistress has hired the well-known attorney, Gloria Allred.

The actor and his ex-girlfriend, Oksana, the mother of his daughter, both have restraining orders.

Badass Mel Gibson needs therapy and anger management classes.  Celebrity Rehab 4 would like to invite Gibson, but who knows if “Mad Mel” would sign up for the show.

War of the Roses might be over for Oksana as she is running out of money to pay her attorneys.  The court ordered Gibson to pay $250,000 in legal fees.  Mel has been paying $5,000 in monthly child support plus living expenses, but it’s not enough for Oksana wants more.  The custody battle continues.  Oksana’s attorneys may subpoena Mel’s ex-wife, Robyn based upon allegations of his abusiveness to her and the kids.

Gibson missed a court deposition as he’s been out of town on a fishing expedition.  Now that Mel is back he got into some stupid car crash in Malibu.  The cops were called to the scene and claim Gibson was not on drugs or drinking, but he could have dozed off at the wheel losing control of his 2008 Maserati that slammed into a rocky hill.  Mel has been nothing but a jerk lately, but thank God he wasn’t hurt.

Prosecutors have finished their investigation on domestic violence charges against Mel Gibson.

© Copyright 2010

Created by (Francke) Lyrical Yankee

All Rights Reserved

(Women’s Fight Against Domestic Violence)

Stay tuned for more upcoming news.

Michael Jackson, World’s Greatest Attraction

1958-2009

Rhyming news updates on the late Michael Joseph Jackson including excerpts from the Molestation Trial.

Michael Jackson’s lifestyle during and after his trial.  There were no smiles at Michael Jackson’s Molestation Trial.  “Sleeping with the Enemy” What a catastrophe! Treat these kids nice and they’d like to stab you in the back with a knife.  One by one each witness takes the stand testifying against this innocent rich man.  He’s not a bad lad.  Michael hopes he doesn’t land in jail.  The guy is sick and frail.  He looks a little pale.  Michael’s “Peter Pan Neverland” a fairy tale gone wrong.

“This Is It!”

Thousands of fans flock to bid farewell to the King of Pop.  “Dear Man in the Mirror” we miss you so much.  Our hearts are crushed.  “Moonwalk Memoirs” will soon be the talk of the town.  Michael, we can’t believe you’re gone.  The videos, songs and dance moves will live on.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The fans loved your “Moonwalk Glittery Glove.” Michael’s 1983 “White Glittery Glove” will go on the auction block to the top bidder.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Jackson Brothers to The Jackson Five in 1964

25th Anniversary of ’Thriller” (Epic Records – Producer Quincy Jones) Released in UK November, 1983; Released in US January, 1984

November 30, 1982 album released.  Music industry surprised when “Thriller” sold 100 million copies worldwide.

“Forever, Michael” (1975 – Fourth and Last Studio Album released by Motown Records)

“Billie Jean” 1983 Song – First King of Pop Moonwalk – Made Michael an Icon

In 1989 actor, Elizabeth Taylor presented Michael Jackson with the Soul Train Heritage Award proclaiming him the true “King of Pop, Rock and Soul.”

The Man and the Myths: Like Peter Pan in Neverland Michael refused to grow old.  Perhaps he was a troubled soul.  God only knows.  He sang to huge crowds making a loud shrilling pitch.  His fans made him rich.  MJ could get away with touching his crotch.  Michael changed the prison of racism.  Fans adored him.  He was looked up to as a god-life figure.  Wherever you are the King of Pop will always be a shining star.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Fans have been attracted to Michael Jackson and his music around the world.  He is the most popular downloaded artist in history.

Michael Jackson sold 750 million records worldwide

Released 13 No. 1 singles

Jackson 5 single “I Want You Back” released 1969 categorized Bubblegum pop is in the Grammy Hall of Fame as one of the best karaoke songs.

Michael Jackson inducted twice into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

13 Grammy Awards

American Music Award for Artist of the Century

Michael Jackson, the 44th dancer/choreographer inducted into National Museum of Dance Hall of Fame.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

09/03/10 World Record Holder “King of Twitter”  At least 30% of all tweets published on the anniversary of his death were all about Michael Jackson, a superstar attraction.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The scandalous financial mess – Did Michael’s associates dip into his money chest?

If Conrad Murray is the doc that killed the King of Pop let it be written as a “manslaughter conviction.”  Jackson had a serious drug addiction.

LAPD Drug Enforcement and Office of the Attorney General initiate a manslaughter investigation into all pertinent information regarding Dr. Conrad Murray.

Dr. Murray signed a sworn statement in which he expressed to officials that when Nurse Cherilyn Lee worked for Jackson she gave the King of Pop the powerful drug Propofol also known as Diprivan which Lee vehemently denies.  So now who will be tried for Jackson’s death Murray or Cherilyn Lee?  Someone is lying.

There’s more drama as marijuana is found in a search made of Jackson’s bedroom.  As the investigation continues police say when they found MJ dead he was snuggled in bed next to a little girl porcelain doll wearing a dress.  Michael’s bedroom was a mess.

The King of Pop had so many surgeries and emergencies.  Everybody knows Michael wore a prosthetic nose.

Katherine Jackson is considering taking action with a civil lawsuit against Conrad Murray for Wrongful Manslaughter.

Dr. Conrad Murray’s girlfriend, Nicole Alvarez has plenty to worry about as she is being questioned by the Grand Jury.

“What happens in Vegas!” – They may build Neverland in the desert sand, another Jackson attraction.

May 7, 2009

Former Playboy Model/Actress Girlfriend of Michael Jackson, Olay Ray wants her back pay.  She’s suing for royalties as the co-star of Michael Jackson’s killer video “Thriller.”

June 29, 2009

Katherine Jackson and Joe Jackson claim Michael died without a Will.  Katherine takes action to be appointed as administrator of her late son’s estate and guardian of Michael’s three children.

July 1, 2009

Michael’s former lawyer John Branca and John McClain, his former manager ask the judge to appoint them as co-executors based on Michael’s Will.  On July 2, 2002 the late Michael Jackson signed a Will which designates his mother, Katherine to take care of the three children and Diana Ross as a back-up.  Michael’s assets are estimated to exceed $500 million, but reportedly the superstar had so much debt he was heading into bankruptcy.

July 6,. 2009

The judge overrides Katherine’s objections and decides to temporarily appoint Branca and McClain as co-executors.  Joe Jackson cannot sue because he is not a beneficiary in Michael’s Will.

July 17, 2009

Debbie Rowe, ex-wife of Michael Jackson’s children sues Rebecca White, a Florida woman for $490,000, a wad of dough.  The woman claimed in a television interview that Rowe did not want custody, only money.  A judgment was granted for $27,000 in which Rowe says was false information.  The amount also includes $10,000 for Miss Rowe’s emotional distress.

August 3, 2010

“Battle of Sexes” – Katherine Jackson wins custody of the three children.  The judge grants visitation rights and parental control to Debbie Rowe.

August 6, 2010

Katherine Jackson has her day in court agreeing not to challenge Michael’s “2002” Will, but still wants Branca and McClain removed as co-executors asking permission to file a petition.

August 8, 2009

Sign up for the “Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait” by artist, David Ilan.  Put your dot for free on the “King of Pop.” 1 million dots will be drawn on the canvas

@http://www.supportjacksonportrait.com

August 11, 2009

Drug enforcement raid Las Vegas Applied Pharmacy where Dr. Conrad Murray bought several lethal and powerful drugs including “Propofol and Diprivan”

It looks quite ugly for Dr. Murray who might land in jail without bail.

August 21, 2009

FDA investigating the possibility Dr. Arnold Klein, MJ’s Dermatologist improperly purchased many controlled substances as authorities raid the Beverly Hills Mickey Fine Pharmacy.  Will Dr. Klein walk the line?

August 24, 2009

After a lengthy investigation LA coroner officially ruled Michael Jackson’s death a “homicide” by the powerful drug “Propofol” with a combination of other fatal drugs.  Why wasn’t Dr. Murray at Michael’s side before he died?  Murray allegedly had been treating Michael for insomnia putting Jackson into a deep sleep with 50 milligrams of Propofol eventually trying to wean him off with lesser dosages mixing sedatives that caused Jackson’s downfall.  Michael’s death is a tragedy.  Was it a conspiracy?

The FBI has been asked to pry into Michael’s death and results of autopsy tests.

There are so many stories going back and forth who is the real father of Jackson’s children.  It’s a bunch of gossip talk.

August 28, 2009

Liza Minnelli’s concert at the Hollywood Bowl expressed how much she loved Michael and will miss him forever by dedicating her performance of “I Can’t Give You Anything but Love.”  We’re sure Michael is listening from heaven above.

August 29, 2009

Filmmaker, Spike Lee’s Block Party in celebration of Michael’s birthday will be held on Saturday, August 29th in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park from noon till after dark.  Some 10,000 people to attend – Come join Michael’s friends.

The Jackson family wants Michael to be next to his grandmother, Martha Bridges who died in 1990 and is buried in Glendale, California Forest Lawn

Cemetery.  The date is August 29^th the singer’s birthday at a private ceremony.  Now the Jacksons feel Michael’s resting place should be at Neverland

in a spot near the train station.  California law prohibits burials other than a cemetery, but the family is challenging.  The word is out that the burial date

has been changed to Sept. 3rd.

September 3, 2009

Jackson family and celebrities attend the memorial ceremony.  A velvet-lined in the range of $30,.000 gold casket containing Michael’s body was designed by the Indiana Batesville Casket Company.  Michael was laid to rest at Forest Lawn in the Holly Terrace Great Mausoleum.

The Jackson family is having an Evening After Burial Party in “Celebration of Michael’s Life.”  Reservations were made by American Idol judge, Randy Jackson

at the Italian Ristorante, Villa Sorriso in Pasadena.  More than 150 people will attend joining family and close friends.

MJ receives an award on his “51st” birthday, a star on the Vegas Palms Casino Walk of Fame in front of the Brenden Theaters where “Thriller” sounds were heard

in the background.  Joe Jackson was there as he said, “I wish Michael was here today for his “51^st” birthday.

September 7, 2009

Michael’s right-hand glittery glove is sold to curator Warwick Stone, buyer of the Hard Rock Café and Casino in Las Vegas for $48,400.  It was a rousing day for Stone when he out bid five other buyers at a Melbourne auction house.  There’s more items sold from Michael’s spiffy wardrobe.  His tie from a “1971 TV show” sells for $16,500 and a nifty red sweater worn on the “1981 American Music Awards” sells for $42,500.

September 9, 2009

Michael Jackson Collectible 1983 “Thriller” moving parts doll manufactured by Hot Toys, a Hong Kong company will only be available in Hong Kong and Japan.

September 13, 2009

Radio City Music Hall at 9PM Sunday presents the fantastic Janet Jackson who will be coming to the MTV Awards stage with other celebrities

where she’ll praise and sing a special tribute of “Scream” to her beloved brother, Michael and his legacy.

September 17, 2009

Katherine Jackson and her three children must be thrilled that they will be receiving yearly $1 million from the late MJ’s estate.

September 18, 2009

Katherine Jackson is given permission by the judge to challenge the co-executors of Michael’s Will without losing her rights as a beneficiary.  She feels Branca and McClain coerced him into naming them as co-executors of his “2002 Will” instead of Katherine or other members of the Jackson family.

September 25, 2009

The Great Michael Jackson Tapes, a tell-it-all book by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach on how he reached out to Michael will be revealed on the Today Show and “Dateline NBC” primetime news..

September 26, 2010

Jermaine Jackson’s Vienna Concert a special tribute honoring Michael’s legacy was to be held at Schoenbrunn Palace on September 26, 2009, has been rescheduled to June, 2010 somewhere around London Town due to the impossibility for some celebrities and friends to attend the London Tribute venue.  It should accommodate close to 70,000 fans that can’t wait to listen to the late Michael Jackson the fabulous song and dance man.

September 29, 2009

It’s just another day in which the Jackson estate may have to pay the law firm of Mesereau and Yu who filed a claim against the estate for a whopping

$341,453.05 in attorneys fees for handling the Michael Jackson Child Molestation Trial from July, 2005 to February, 2008.  The late Michael Jackson was acquitted on all 14 charges.

Hopefully there won’t be a fight between AEG, the concert promoter and Michael’s estate over the memorabilia and merchandise rights.

Touring of the memorabilia merchandise should delight Jackson’s devoted fans who loved the song and dance man.

October, 2009

Famous Motown Founder, Berry Gordy, Jr. will share his memories of “Michael and the Jackson 5” on the introduction page of “Moonwalk” by Crown Publishing Company, a reprint of MJ’s 1988 autobiography originally published by Doubleday on the life and times of Michael Jackson’s brilliant singing, dancing moves and music career coming to bookstores sometime in October, 2009.

October 9, 2009

Hey, Hey, “It’s Saturday” – Let’s face it – too racist!  Jackson Jive Australian white group with painted black faces and wigs were labeled a disgrace to the UK and United States.

October 9, 2009

Hey folks!  At the stroke of midnight a dual-disc track due Oct. 27th will be released of Michael’s famous classics together with his new song, “This Is It!”

Who knew “This Is It” is not so new.  Latin Hip-Hop Singer, Sa-Fire sings the identical words and same melody to a 1990s song written by Michael Jackson and Paul Anka titled, “I Never Heard.”

SONY paid AEG $60 million for the movie rights of “This Is It!” expected to be a world-wide smash hit

October 21, 2009

Randy Jackson has proof Michael was in New York the same day the Will was signed by his brother in LA.

October 22, 2009

The Jackson family, MJ’s three children who were inside the car with their nanny driving heading for a karate class were struck by the Paparazzi..

October 23, 2009

Katherine Jackson wins!  Attorneys, Burt Levitch and Londell McMillan have been replaced by Adam Streisand, Barbara Streisand’s cousin known for his expertise in the field of probate as attorney for her son’s estate.

October 24, 2009

Mark Lester, star of  the 1960s musical “Oliver” has come forward claiming that he’s the godfather of Jackson’s children.  Who knows whether this will infringe upon Katherine’s guardianship.  He wants a good relationship with the Jackson family.  Lester is not pushing for any DNA tests telling a British newspaper that he donated sperm to Michael Jackson through a clinic in London and believes Paris definitely looks like me.  .

October 24, 2009

“Thrill the World” a global event where fans can pay tribute to MJ will be raising money for different charities.

Michael Jackson’s Musical Legacy now on DVD – The Definitive Story of the King of Pop 1958-2009.

October 26, 2009

Sony/Columbia Epic Label – “This Is It” the classic hit dual-disc album available on DVD internationally October 26th.

This blonde-haired beauty hails from South Australia. “Orianthi” a 24-year-old terrific guitarist whose thing is pulling the right strings.  Orianthi had spotted a myspace ad.  Completely blown away when she was picked to audition for “This Is It!”  Naturally she got the part, a rock artist with a big heart.

October 27, 2009

Orianthi’s new album “Believe” debuts.  Believe and your dreams will come true.  As a Carlos Santa protégé Orianthi plays her guitar with nothing but raves.

October 28, 2009

Columbia Pictures presents the rehearsal footage of “This Is It!” directed by Kenny Ortega coming to the worldwide movie screen Michael Jackson, the American dream.  “This Is It!” the movie in digital imaging photography.  Tickets selling like “hot cakes” to see the late Michael Jackson.

Katherine and Latoya Jackson will not see the classic documentary “This Is It!”

“This Is It!” debuts Wednesday at $2.2 mil then in first place Friday evening at $7.9 mil.  It’s a hit!  Michael Jackson’s “This is It!” Weekend Review a smash hit.  Tops U.S. Box Office with $23.1 mil.  The fans are thrilled.

For the first 5 days “This Is It” reaps a terrific $103 mil.  Columbia Pictures, AEG and SONY are thrilled.  It’s a worldwide hit!  Film’s two-week run extended.  Highly recommended.  Don’t miss “This Is It!”  It’s fantastic!

October 28, 2009

Michael Jackson’s official exhibit is in London town.  Jacko’s worldly treasures remembered.  Michael’s painting displaying a magical sword and his regal royalty.  “1984” letter from President Ronald Reagan hoping Michael is feeling better after his hair went up in flames.  Michael was in severe pain after a “Pepsi” commercial.. Jacksons well-known classic hits will be piped into the building as visitors may want to dance, but instead stroll through an archway with an emblem of a “crown and crest” of the King of Pop’s Neverland Ranch.  MJ’s “1967” Rolls Royce Phantom back when Michael and Dame Liz Taylor road around LA.  The original “Jackson 5 contract” together with the King of Pop’s stunning Ray Ban sunglasses, fedora hat, a studded jewel glove and military jacket trademark.  His studded jeweled gloves and a pair of shoes with the heel cut off were used in making the cool video “Smooth Criminal.”

October 28, 2009

Columbia Pictures “This Is It!” a smash hit.  Film is the highest grossing concert movie and documentary in cinema history.  Movie earns $101 million for the late Michael Jackson estate.  Will extend 2-week run through Thanksgiving..

There will be a documentary on the “Trials and Tribulations of the Sensational King of Pop” on the stress and strife of the last 17 years of his life.

Universal Motown Remix album to be released featuring some of Michael’s classical songs, “Never Can Say Goodbye” “ABC” and “Dancing Machine.”

Special “Thriller” album and other unreleased classics Michael with Fergie, will.i.am and the best of Kanye West.

October 30, 2009

LA judge rules that Dr. Arnold Klein has no legal standing and therefore should not pursue into the guardianship and legal affairs of Paris and Prince Michael or any estate issues as Michael Jackson and Debbie Rowe have been “conclusively presumed” they are the parents of  Paris and Prince Michael.  The youngest son, Blanket was conceived by a Surrogate whose identity still remains a mystery.  .

October 31, 2009

Michael Firestone, an impersonator who stands alone came onto the scene in his teens imitating the King of Pop portraying his singing and “moonwalk” moves will give a special tribute to Michael at 9PM on Halloween Eve in the Mari Showroom of Paragon Casino in Marksville, Louisiana.

For Halloween get dressed up in one of Michael Jackson’s best-selling costumes, “Beat It” “Thriller” or “Billie Jean.”

Michael’s so-called biological love child Norwegian Omer Bhatti who pleases the crowd with his impersonation of Michael Jackson’s dance moves will finally get to prove how he can play the part in a new movie portraying Michael’s childhood story and stardom in the 80s.

November 7, 2009

Joe Jackson asks Los Angeles Superior Court Judge for a $20,000 monthly allowance from his late son’s estate which his 79-year-old wife, Katherine supports.  Joe’s request might be trashed although a hearing is scheduled for December 10th.  It’s been headline news that Joe Jackson allegedly abused Michael.  Joe wants the world to know he never was abusive to Michael.  His son was giving him $15,000 in monthly expenses.

November 10, 2009

Katherine Jackson is represented by new attorneys and drops her legal challenge against Branca and McClain now serving as co-executors of Michael’s Will.

November 10, 2009

“Fallout Out Boy” will stop playing their unique version of “Beat It” which they recorded about a year ago before MJ passed away.

November 12, 2009

Cirque du Soleil wants to play MJ’s music in outrageous Vegas!  They’ve already made plenty of dough from the Beatles “LOVE” Show.

November 16, 2009

It’s sad that Michael Jackson has been named “Mad’s Magazine” #1 Dumbest Person of 2009.  He hit the cover of Mad’s 20 People, Events and Things, a shit list which includes a thumbs down to these clowns Chris Brown, David Letterman, Kanye West, Jon & Kate, Dr. Conrad Murray, Sarah Palin, A-Rod and former V.P. Dick Cheney.

November 17, 2009

MTV/BET Networks (division of Viacom) acquired the exclusive USA television rights for six (6) years to air the Pop Icon, Michael Jackson’s fantastic concert film hit “This Is It!” starting in 2011.  Sales have reached over $222 million worldwide in cinema receipts.

November 18, 2009

Janet Jackson “In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts” for a first time interview at her home in Malibu on ABC news.  Janet will speak on how she learned about Michael’s death while on the set of “Why I Got Married Too.”  How she can’t get over the blues of losing Michael.  She puts the responsibility on Dr. Conrad Murray for administering propofol leading to Michael’s downfall.  Her brother, Jermaine sang Michael’s favorite song, “Smile” beautifully while she sat through the entire memorial service dealing with the grief.  It’s hard to believe that Michael is deceased.

November 21, 2009

It was a fabulous Julien’s auction day at the Hard Rock Café in Times Square, NYC.  Michael’s “Glittery Moonwalk Glove” from 1983 Motown Concert was sold to Hong Kong businessman, Hoffman Ma for a smashing $420,000.  Another item sold for $225,000 was Jackson’s snazzy straps and zippers black jacket that he wore on his “1989 Bad Tour.”  Michael’s total collection of over 80 items fetched a cool $2 million.  Some of the proceeds will go to charity

November 24, 2009

Is there a Dr. Conrad Murray in the house?  It’s as quiet as a mouse while the investigation continues Dr. Murray’s private practice resumes.

So what’s next for the Jackson family?  Tentatively sometime in December, 2009 Michael’s brothers, the executive producers, Paris, Prince and Blanket will be starring in their own reality show coming to A&E.  The show debuted on December 13, 2009 with one season and six episodes, then ended on January 27, 2010.  It received a C+ rating by some critics in which the 4 brothers appear to face an uphill battle trying to stay in the public’s eye after Michael died.

December 8, 2009

Jackson brothers appear on Larry King discussing their memories, growing up with Michael and touring the country.  There will be a reality series, “The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty” dealing with Michael’s tragedy on A&E, December 13, 2009 at 9/8 central time.  The brothers unite on Sunday night.

December 10, 2009

Judge delays Joe Jackson’s request for $20,000 monthly allowance from Michael’s money chest to January 28, 2010 due to the fact that the attorneys involved in this pending issue have not been notified.  Until such time, the judge will decide.

It will be Christmas time for the Jackson family despite the fact they are Jehovah Witnesses.  Everyone has decided to celebrate Christmas for Jackson’s three children who were wishin’ that another Christmas is just like the previous holidays spent with MJ.

Britney Spears four-year reign came to an end when Michael Jackson’s sudden death and the celebration of his legacy topped the “2009” web charts.  People searched for the latest dirt on Bing, Google and Yahoo.

December 19, 2009

Cheers!  Michael Jackson named MTV News “Man of the Year.”

December 21, 2009

MJ’s 1980 video “Beat It” shirt that maybe worth $25,000 hits the auction block’s top seller list.

December 21, 2009

FBI set to release secret files before Christmas on their MJ child molestation investigation between 2003 and 2004.  FBI opens the door and probes into claims of explicit calls to a teenage boy made by MJ.  One child struck a deal and was paid $20 million to keep his mouth shut.

December 21, 2009

MJ Tribute Concert led by Jermaine Jackson moved from Vienna to London town.  Events organizer shuts down after top acts dropped out.  London concert was zapped.   

December 24, 2009

Dr. Conrad Murray will be doing a documentary.  British TV company is filming him in surgery.  Doctor will not allow the documentary to be released until authorities working on MJ’s cause of death are finished investigating.

December 31, 2009

Michael Jackson’s 1983 “Thriller” will be the first music video inducted into the National Film Registry of the Library of Congress, Washington, D.C.

January 2, 2010

Somehow MJ’s “Another Day” music single made its way through “MJ Star Fan Site” slipping onto You Tube over the New Year’s weekend with a 90-minute video clip which seems to be Michael’s version of Lenny Kravitz 2004: “Storm” song.  It didn’t take long for SONY and the Jackson family to pull the recording.  .

January 5, 2010

Just 6 days left to get a piece of “Pop” history.  Michael Jackson’s 1982 original “Thriller” album bidding starts at $50.00 U.S. dollars.

January 6, 2010

Michael loved to be surrounded by other music artists like Paul McCartney, Diana Ross and Stevie Wonder, but never got a chance to work with sexy Lady Gaga.

Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson wrote the lyrics and performed the famous song, 1985 “We are the World” that raised more than $60 million fighting famine for people suffering in Africa.

January 6, 2010

Sony Computer Entertainment presents Michael Jackson’s “This Is It!” Blu-Ray disc wrapped in one special package when it lands only in Japan stores for Jacko fans on January 2, 2010 for 33,500 Yen (roughly $360 U.S.dollars).  Sony Entertainment Japan “Pretty in Blossom Pink” the perfect gift to send to your spouse or girlfriend will be available on March 4, 2010 for 16,800 Yen (roughly $180 U.S. dollars).

January 7, 2010

The Great Michael Jackson dominates the music charts in 2009 even with his untimely death.  Stop and take a look at the “King of Pop” who was the best-selling artist with sales in excess of $8.2 million sold and $29 million worldwide.  The singer never got a chance to grow old.

January 7, 2010

Michael Jackson’s funeral from the Staples Center in LA on July 7th, 2009 to the gathering of his beloved family inside a beautiful Hollywood Hills Chapel with touching tributes by celebrities Mariah Carey, John Mayer, Usher, Pink, Jennifer Hudson and Brooke Shields who gave an emotional speech about her dear friend, Michael.  This spiritual memorial for Michael Jackson viewed by 1 billion people worldwide from the Staples Center has been nominated by NAACP Image Awards for “Outstanding Variety Television.”  .

January 8, 2010

MJ’s earth song belongs to “World Environmental Day.”

January 8, 2010

Michael Jackson’s Death Certificate online shows cause of death ruled as a “Homicide” on August 24, 2009.  He was pronounced dead at UCLA medical center (amended certificate 2nd page states Michael died from “acute propofol intoxication” and “intravenous injection by another.”  MJ passed away at the age of 50 from cardiac arrest on June 25, 2009.  He was induced into the Rock and Roll of Fame twice and the World Book of Guinness Book of Records for the most successful entertainer of all time.  Michael’s lifetime awards include 26 Music Awards, 17 Number One Singles in the U.S. and 15 Grammys.

January 9, 2010

It’s just around the corner Dr. Conrad Murray, MJ’s cardiologist who was paid $150,000 is expected to be charged with Involuntary Manslaughter.

January 11, 2010

Commending the famous Director, Spike Lee for his successful partnership on MJ’s “This Is It” video, a song with lots of heart and soul that is two decades old.

January 11, 2010

Next stop for the King of Pop, a Disney-World theme park to be completed sometime this year right in the heart of Gary, Indiana, Michael’s childhood home. Created around the King of Pop’s Grand “Peter Pan” Neverland.  Developers will be cashing in by including a golf course, museum, 300-room hotel, performing arts centre and restaurants where you can dine and wine with an exciting “Thriller” rollercoaster to send chills down your spine.

January 14, 2010

The King of Pop’s custom-made Italian furniture which he paid over $700,000 for more than 20 pieces will be going on the auction block, lock, stock and barrel.  Michael was planning to rent the luxurious $21 million UK Foxbury Manor Estate during his 50-date “This Is It!” tour at the famous 02 London Arena, but unfortunately he passed away.

January 15, 2010

It pays to be in the Jackson family.  MJ’s mother and three children, Paris, Prince Michael and Blanket go before the court in LA.  Judge approves their request for a monthly major raise.  Apparently $60,000 a month is just not enough nowadays as the “Jackson 4” cannot survive in LA.

January 15, 2010

New York, New York, it’s the talk of the town as VH1 and VH1.com airs the exclusive video world-wide premiere.  Fans rush to hear Michael Jackson’s “They Don’t Really Care About Us” on Tuesday, January 19th at 10PM and on Saturday, January 23rd at 10PM.  VHl will be exclusively premiering the debut of a 30-minute original special the making of a classic hit “This Is It!” along with never-before-seen film footage from the LA Staples Center concert rehearsal, a touching tribute to MJ’s amazing musical genius.

January 18, 2010

A&E “A Family Dynasty” is offering a 2nd season to Tito, Jackie, Marlon and Jermaine, the “Jackson Five” song and dance guys, but they maybe looking for more money.

January 22, 2010

John Branca and John McClain co-executors of Michael Jackson estate file court documents requesting 10% compensation excluding profits from “This Is It!” classic documentary along with other legal papers opposing Michael’s dad, Joe Jackson $20,000 monthly allowance.

January 26, 2010

It’s finally released SONY Pictures Home Entertainment “This Is It!” on Blu-Ray Disc and DVD, #1 on retail seller list.

January 28, 2010

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge, Michael Beckloff rules Joe Jackson can pursue a motion for a monthly family allowance since Michael had been supporting him, but cannot challenge the two administrators of the “2002” Will and is not entitled to get any portion of Michael’s assets. The judge will hold an Evidentiary Hearing on May 26th regarding Joe Jackson’s petition.

January 29, 2010

The stars are shining bright tonight as Hollywood celebrities plan a new recording of “We Are the World” to raise funds for the Haiti earthquake victims.

January 31, 2010

The 52nd Grammy Awards all-star cast of celebrities will be participating in a “3D” tribute to Michael Jackson presenting him with a Lifetime Achievement Award to be accepted by Prince Michael, Paris and his cousins, their first public appearance and previously unseen footage from “This Is It!” along with MJ’s stunning performance of “Earth Song.”.

February 1, 2010

Voted the “All-time Greatest Show on Earth” MJ’s 1988 Madison Square Garden Concert.

February 2, 2010

Michael Jackson’s “This Is It!” not on Oscar list.

February 3, 2010

Brian Oxman, Jackson family attorney wants Dr. Conrad Murray charged with Murder in the Second Degree.

February 7, 2010

Florida’s A&M Marching Band together with cheering fans from the grandstand led a rousing tribute to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” “Thriller” and “Smooth Criminal.”

February 8, 2010

After a brief courtroom appearance the Jackson family listen to the judge charging Dr. Conrad Murray who will soon be 57 with one count of Involuntary Manslaughter in the death of Michael Jackson.  The doctor pleaded “Not Guilty.” He will get to keep his medical license, but is not allowed to use anesthesia on his patients.  Dr. Murray is free on $75,000 bond pending an April 5th Evidentiary Hearing at which time he could be facing four years in the penitentiary.  The cardiologist is planning to leave LA and return to his practice in a few days.  The Jackson family strike back in anger that Dr. Murray should be charged with murder.  Jermaine Jackson says, “that’s not enough” and Joe Jackson says Murray is just the fall guy.  Joe seeks justice.

February 9, 2010

Why does Joe Jackson believes Dr. Murray is a fall guy?  Joe says there are other people involved, a conspiracy.  Dr. Murray should have been charged with “Second Degree Murder.”  Joe Jackson takes action.  He’s appealed to the court to pursue a wrongful death suit.

February 11, 2010

Tennessee legislature votes against a resolution honoring the “King of Pop’” Elvis Presley’s son-in-law.

February 11, 2010

Here’s another tribute to MJ.  Toronto Raptor’s star, Demar DeRozan will be using some parts of “Thriller” for the NBA Slam Dunk Contest in Dallas on Saturday.

February 12, 2010

Music artists gather for a remix session of “We Are the World 25 – for Haiti.” Donations to benefit the Haitian earthquake victims.  Video debuts during opening ceremonies of 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics.

February 13, 2010

Chicago’s Navy Pier salutes Black History presenting an “Exhibition of Pride” with a special tribute to Michael Jackson, a great entertainer who was born in nearby Gary, Indiana where he began his career at the age of 5 joining his brothers’ famous group “The Jackson Five.”

February 19, 2010

This dame filed an estate claim, Kai Chase Michael Jackson’s personal chef who wants her two paychecks which adds up to $8,000 bucks.  The lady hopes she’s not out of luck.  Leonard Rowe, Michael Jackson’s manager is also looking for some dough and filed claim for $51,218.  Rowe says he made an agreement with Michael that he would manage his finances and the London show.  Dr. Arnold Klein, Michael’s dermatologist is suing the estate for a number of skin procedures totaling $48,522.89.  Joe Jackson is also suing claiming over $20,000 for personal monthly expenses.

February 21, 2010

Tribute to Michael Jackson as Stella Luna Fashion Inc. presents Shoes and Boots Collection for Women inspired by the “King of Pop” in honor of a great performer and fashion icon his special musical talent lives on.

February 22, 2010

AllGood, the great entertainment company is suing the late Michael Jackson estate for $300 million over profits and revenue from SONY’s new movie, “This Is It!”  AEG and AllGood Entertainment agreed to a Jackson reunion contract, but who knew Michael would die and the entertainment company would not get a slice of the pie.  800,000 tickets to British, Dubai, Botswana and Japan fans for the 20,000 seating at the ’02 London Concert were sold in 5 hours for 50 shows.  Michael Jackson was planning a comeback to top his famous “Moonwalk”  Now all his fans can do is talk about how much they will miss Michael.

February 24, 2010

Coming soon the re-debut of Francis Ford Coppola’s 17-minute “3D” film produced by George Lucas starring “Michael Jackson Captain EO” back in action, a Disneyland attraction.

February 25, 2010

Alleged paramedic tape is actually a fake states LA Fire Department Captain.  Rules were broken by naming Michael Jackson, the patient and by not using correct medical terminology.  It is definitely not one of our paramedics.  Michael was taken to the UCLA Hospital Emergency Room.

February 27, 2010

Music fans from Dumfries, Scotland/UK are baffled by the likeness of a “Thriller” statue of St. Michael.  Fans stop by to see Michael’s hand over his crotch area which seems to be mimicking the “King of Pop.”

February 28, 2010

Why this is not Hollywood – It’s Bollywood’s famous actor and trainer dancer, Shahid Kapoor doing his rendition of “Moonwalk” as he pays tribute to the King of Pop at the 2010 Filmfare Awards in Mumbai.

March 3, 2010

LA County Children and Family Services after a 6-hour investigation at Katherine Jackson’s home in Encino regarding a “stun gun” in the possession of Jermaine’s 13-year-old son, Jaafar have concluded that he was just playing around pointing the stun gun at the children.  It was a false alarm.  Blanket and Prince Michael were unharmed.

March 6, 2010

Cops come with shotguns on Friday, March 5th responding to an ongoing burglary.  911 call was made from the Jackson home in Encino.  No one was harmed as it turned out to be a false alarm.

March 6, 2010

The sensational Michael Jackson Historical World Tour footage including behind the scenes rare photos and some of his great hits like “Billie Jean” and “Beat It” are now on itunes and Blackberry mobile applications.

March 9, 2010

A group of UK Somerset Army Cadets dance to the tune of MJ’s “Thriller” collecting donations to a worthy cause “Help for Heroes Charity.”

March 10, 2010

LA law firms make claims for whopping sums of money against the late Michael Jackson estate.  Venable LLP wants half a million for giving Michael Jackson some type of legal advice.  Mesereau & Yu are trying to collect $341,000 in legal fees for handling the 2005 Child Molestation Trial where Michael was found not guilty.

March 14, 2010

Items belonging to the King of Pop will be on Julien’s of Los Angeles three-day auction block at the Planet Hollywood and Resort Casino in Las Vegas from June 14th to June 25th, the first anniversary of the singer’s death.  It definitely will be an overwhelming experience for buyers and Michael’s fans to see his custom clothing and furnishings.  The furniture up for sale is from Michael’s 32-bedroom rented “1875” Kent mansion in London where he was going to be living while performing the concert, “This Is It!”  Some of the clothing items to be auctioned is a red military jacket for $12,000 when Michael and Debbie Rowe were married, a pair of Jackson’s sunglasses for $4,000, and a red leather jacket won by the King of Pop estimated to sell for at least $12,000 with Michael Jackson’s autograph from his “Beat It” 1992 video.  Before the entertainer’s furniture goes on the auction block there will be an exclusive exhibition form March 16th (celebrating St. Patrick’s Day) to May 30th at the Newbridge Silverware’s Museum of Style Icons in County Kildare, Ireland.  Michael’s fans and the public will have an awesome experience how the singer’s Kent castle would have looked with his lavish customized furnishings.

March 16, 2010

SONY strikes up one hell of a deal which certainly appeals the late Michael Jackson’s Estate.  It’s the most attractive $250 million-dollar music contract.  Sony will release feature reissues of the King of Pop’s albums, DVD collection of his greatest hits, with the possibility of Michael’s music from the Cirque du Soleil Show which can make a bundle of dough.  Michael completed 100 songs that Sony will probably be releasing.  The entertainer continues to be adored, imitated and revered by his fans.  Michael has been on Sony’s Epic label for 30 years.

March 16, 2010

Attorneys for Dr. Conrad Murray are ticked off.  They have not received important documents to prepare their case from the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office.  DA representative says as soon as the tremendous amount of legal reports are properly processed they will be on their way to Dr. Murray’s attorneys.

March 17, 2010

Fatal syringe that killed Michael could be auctioned off in a Vegas casino for around $5 million.  Jackson family is angry and distressed why someone is trying to profit off of Michael’s death.  The guy who possesses and wants to sell the syringe is getting legal advice if it’s legit.  Syringe is no longer needed in the criminal proceedings against Dr. Murray.

March 17, 2010

The secret is out that Michael’s 25-year-old love child, Omer Michael Bhatti, a Norwegian rapper/dancer allegedly hidden from the camera has moved into the Jackson’s family hacienda in Encino.  Michael first met Bhatti in Tunisia performing his dance moves and singing.  Jackson found Bhatti’s mom, Pia who was married quite attractive.  Michael apparently told one of his close friends that he had sex with Pia and was Bhatti’s daddy.

March 17, 2010

Branca and McClain cut a deal with SONY to release Michael’s classic songs for a 7-year whopping $250 million.  They will each net $12.5 million in attorney fees.

March 23, 2010

It was like a nightmare in Jackson’s bedroom at his Holmby Hills rented mansion when suddenly the singer’s bodyguard, also known as the “logistics director” Alberto Alvarez received a distress call from another employee.  He ran up the stairs to see Dr. Conrad Murray performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on Jackson.  Alvarez asked Murray what happened to Jackson and the doctor replied, “He had a bad reaction.”  The King of Pop whose heart might have stopped had his leg attached to an IV.  He was lying on his bed, arms stretch with eyes and mouth wide open.  Investigators are not sure Alvarez’ report that Murray grabbed bottles of Propofol and told Alvarez to put them in a bag before calling 911 will stand up in a court of law.  In the meantime, the Jackson family fired the Alvarez, but no one is talking.

March 23, 2010

California Attorney General Jerry Brown who is currently running for State Senator has filed legal documents preventing Dr. Murray from practicing his medical profession until the completion of criminal proceedings.  Defense has raised objections as Dr. Conrad Murray has been found guilty and therefore should still be practicing.  Before Dr. Murray went to work for Michael Jackson he was living on a shoestring with judgments and liens. AEG, the London concert promoter hired Dr. Murray for $150,000 a month to be Jackson’s physician.

March 24, 2010

Hospital records from UCLA Medical Center emergency room show Michael Jackson had a brief heart beat.  Michael died two hours later after arriving by ambulance at UCLA Hospital.

March 24, 2010

Brian Oxman, attorney for Joe Jackson sent Dr. Murray notice of a wrongful death lawsuit to be filed within 90 days against the doctor on the grounds that Murray delayed calling paramedics to assist Michael.  The suit claims that the doc was in “Sam’s Hof Brau” a strip club drinking just hours before the King of Pop’s death according to a stripper.  The stripper also claims she was invited weeks before for a little partying at Jackson’s house by the doctor.

March 25, 2010

Due to public opinion Hecklespray.com gives their heartfelt apology for all the silly and bad things they posted about MJ.  Hecklespray is truly sorry.  They were wrong and will never again speak harshly about Michael Jackson, the great song and dance man.

March 30, 2010

Cheers to “We Are the World” as it celebrates 25 years.

April 1, 2010

Justice for Michael – It’s Justice Week and the wearing of t-shirts with Tatiana kissing a cherub-looking Michael on the cheek.  She really was the first girl Michael loved and kissed in public, but unfortunately they never married.  Back in 1988 Michael who was 29 and 25-year-old Tatiana made a video, “The Way You Make Me Feel.”  It has received 22 million You Tube hits.

April 5, 2010

Fans sneer at Dr. Conrad Murray while the Jackson family still broods over the loss of Michael as his physician enters the courtroom on trial for Involuntary Manslaughter.

April 6, 2010

Attorney General Jerry Brown will finally get satisfaction.  Brown wrote to the judge that the doctor lacked judgment when treating Jackson.  Medical Board of California takes action to strip Dr. Murray of his license to practice medicine.  Murray’s defense team claims that Michael killed himself by taking a lethal drug as the doctor was out of the room.  Things still look pretty gloomy for Dr. Murray.

April 7, 2010

Toxicology reports showed that Michael had taken “ephedrine” a tablet containing aspirin and caffeine.  This was found in Michael’s urine.  These tablets are used for weight loss.  Of course the sale of “ephedrine” is banned n the U.S. because of strokes and heart attacks.  Michael obviously found the tablets relieving when he trouble sleeping.

April 8, 2010

Who is to blame Dr. Murray or MJ?  LA Coroner’s investigators have taken photos of the empty Propofol bottle.  Murray’s attorney say if the doctor killed MJ, he would have hidden the pill bottle.

April 8, 2010

How does Janet Jackson find peace of mind?  She was depressed and stressed the day Michael passed away.  Janet gave up dieting.  That was one way  to combat being melancholy.  Memories linger as Janet and fans remember the world-famous entertainer.

April 8, 2010

Here’s a hot item – It’s a 50×40 inch portrait of Michael in a striking red velvet jacket titled “The Book” by Australian artist Brett-Livingstone Strong at a minimum bid of $2.75 million will close April 17th on ebay.com auction block.

April 9, 2010

Wesley Snipes’ reaction to the death of Michael Jackson.  The actor who put on his dance shoes in the 1987 “Bad” video would like Michael to come back because he was so special.  If the creator could send down Michael as an angel to entertain us.  He just inspired people all over the world.  We’ll miss all the good stuff.

April 9, 2010

While Dr. Murray awaits trial for Involuntary Manslaughter he signed an agreement with the Texas Medical Board restricting the doctor from personally using, administering, prescribing, including Propofol or any other type of  sedation to a patient.  Michael died from acute Propofol poisoning..

April 10, 2010

LaToya Jackson speaks out.  She and the rest of the Jackson family have their doubts.  We believe Michael’s death was definitely a conspiracy.  Their motive was Michael’s money.

April 11, 2010

Defense attorneys for Dr. Murray will question Debbie Rowe, Lisa Marie Presley and the nanny about the singer’s personal lifestyle.

April 14, 2010

Authorities catch New Zealand store owner selling pirated MJ’s CDs awaits sentencing.

April 16, 2010

Lady Thug with no class gets bug up her ass.  She attacks teenie-weenie dwarf “Minnie Michael” a Jacko dance impersonator who was forced to curl up into a ball after severe  pain when kicked and hurled to the ground in London town.  The bully who has previous convictions pleaded “guilty” and got a light sentencing with 26 weeks in the pokey.

April 16, 2010

Comedian Tracy Morgan strikes it rich.  He paid $17,000 for Michael’s “Thriller” glittery glove.  At the time actor, Luke Wilson thought I got ripped off, but now the glove is worth $43,000.  Lucky me.

April 16, 2010

Spike Lee’s emotional movie, “Brooklyn Loves You, Michael Jackson will be starring some of Hollywood’s attractive actors such as Julienne Moore and Samuel L. Jackson.  After Michael’s death last summer Lee organized a party in Prospect Park for Michael’s birthday.

April 18, 2010

Woman’s bid for Michael’s cash is trashed.  Shellie Doreen Smith is probably pissed that the judge dismissed her from getting a piece of the late singer’s estate.  Smith had no papers to prove that her and Michael were married, only that there was a ceremony in the 70s at a hotel in New York City.

April 20, 2010

Former publicist/manager who assisted Michael throughout his Child Molestation Trial, Raymone Bain continues her ongoing fight for $44 million from the late Jackson estate even though creditors have rejected her claim.

April 21, 2010

It’s a deal that’s appealing not only to Michael Jackson fans, but to the Jackson estate and Cirque du Soleil who will share the profits of Michael’s legacy.  Viva Las Vegas Jackson nightclub will be the hub with Cirque du Soleil in “2012” and a reality show based on American Idol where contestants will compete to be a choreographer of Jackson’s Cirque du Soleil.  Way to go with touring shows in late “2011” featuring Michael’s legendary pop music.

April 21, 2010

Mumbai, India fans never stop idolizing the King of Pop.

April 24, 2010

Michael’s eldest sister, Rebbie spent several months with the children while they were grieving.  The children healed from the terrible ordeal surrounded by  family members and cousins that loved them.  Rebbie believes Michael’s personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray is responsible for her brother’s tragic passing.

April 27, 2010

Katherine must move some of the children out of the Jackson house.  Supervising seven children is just too much for this 80-year-old great grandmother.  Katherine Jackson needs to be relaxing.

April 27, 2010

It’s a wrap for this copycat.  Federal judge issues an injunction against Melissa Johnson’s phony “Heal the World Foundation” website scamming Michael’s fans.

May 1, 2010

MJ’s memorabilia goes on show in Tokyo.  Studded gloves, costumes, props and a 1967 Rolls Royce car owned by the King of Pop..

May 1, 2010

It’s shocking that the King of Pop music attorney, Peter Lopez was found dead after he apparently committed suicide at his Encino, California home.

May 3, 2010

They say Michael is gay.  Jason Pfeiffer, an assistant to Dr. Klein claims to have had an intimate relationship with MJ.  Arnold Klein, Michael’s dermatologist says it’s definitely true.  The two have been receiving death threats from a lot of people.

May 4, 2010

Joe Jackson says it isn’t so   It’s a damn shame that Dr. Klein and his assistant claim my son is gay.  Michael’s bodyguards are interviewed on ABC promoting their new book, “In Defense of the King” stating that he’s not gay or homosexual.

May 10, 2010

New York’s Apollo Theater is the talk of the town with its “Walk of Fame” plagues honoring famous legends Michael Jackson and James Brown.

May 12, 2010

Bruce Swedien’s new book, “In the Studio with Michael Jackson” is the latest fan attraction.  Swedien is a five-time Grammy winner.  Together with Michael and producer, Quincy Jones they formed the trio for Jackson’s recordings.

May 12, 2010

Why did Michael want to hide?  It’s revealed from answering messages left by Michael before his death that he was scared and desperately needed cash to run away from the tough “Italian Mafia.”  He begged friends for money to begin a new life as he feared for his safety.  When listening to the audio tapes Michael sounds confused.  This proves his addiction to pharmaceuticals.

May 13, 2010

Joe Jackson asks Michael’s fans when the trial begins to please conduct themselves in a peaceful and orderly manner.  Do not slander, yell or name-calling at Dr. Conrad Murray or his supporters.

May 13, 2010

Michael Jackson’s fans dispute accusations made by Lisa Marie Presley that they are not honoring the King of Pop at the cemetery.  Every month MJ’s fans stop by his grave site placing flowers, candles, gifts and cute stuffed animals.  The group has proof as they took pictures during their trips.

May 13, 2010

Michael never liked his children being exposed to the limelight.  Now You Tube video clips of his kids have surfaced.  Owner of French fan site KingofPop-kids.com who posted the clips said somehow Jackson’s fans were able to hack into the family webcam accounts.  They are trying to find out what You Tube users made copies.

May 14, 2010

Michael should be in Seventh Heaven as Jason Levin the sunflowerguy.com ships the King of Pop’s favorite flower heading to the Holly Terrace mausoleum at Forest Lawn Cemetery.

May 15, 2010

Dr. Conrad Murray who was heading to Phoenix assists a female airline passenger who fainted onboard U.S. Airways.  The young lady is okay thanks to Dr. Murray.

May 17, 2010

“Genius Without Borders: Michael Jackson’s” legend will visit Chicago’s ivory tower.  It will be the King of Pop’s finest hour as scholars and critics discuss the superstar’s life in various downtown locations from Sept. 23-25th.

May 18, 2010

Michael Jackson’s orange skinny-style jeans from “This Is It!” will hit the LA scene with Nate D. Sanders Auctions taking bids for around $10,000 to as much as $100,000 through May 20th.

May 23, 2010

Randy Jackson is hoping that Forest Lawn Cemetery and the City of Glendale will let the public pay their respects on visiting the Holly Terrace mausoleum on June 25rh commemorating the day his brother, Michael passed away.

May 25, 2010

77-year-old actress, Elizabeth Taylor long-time gal pal of Michael wants Dr. Klein’s gay rumors stopped about the King of Pop.

May 27, 2010

Has 80-year-old great grandmother, Katherine Jackson become the fatal attraction?  After being awarded custody everyone is wondering if she’s still able to take care of Michael’s children.  Old age is catching up to Katherine.  On May 17th she fell down the stairs suffering cuts and bruises in her Encino, California home.

May 27, 2010

Limited Edition – Once in a lifetime opportunity honoring the late Michael Jackson, his estate has sealed a deal with the designer to sell online a limited run of 7,000 crystal-encrusted handmade belts raising money for the forthcoming Gary, Indiana Jackson family museum.  Original belt produced is known as the “artist’s proof” which was autographed by Michael’s three children and his parents, Katherine and Joe Jackson.  The attractive belts were signed by Blanket, Prince and Paris at their grandmother’s Encino, California home.  According to Michael’s Will, 20 percent of the profits will go to charities.  Each unsigned belt will sell for $1,500 retail.

May 29, 2010

Dr. Murray frequently visits Michael’s grave and plans to be at the mausoleum marking the King of Pop’s June 25th one-year anniversary.

May 30, 2010

British website reveals a copy of Michael Jackson’s Trust going to his mother, Katherine who will get 40% of his assets and the rest to Michael’s children, leaving 20% to charities.

May 30, 2010

Forest Lawn Cemetery is no longer permitting Michael’s fans to hang around Holly Terrace mausoleum grounds.

May 31, 2010

Michael’s fans will definitely get hooked on this hardcover picture book by Swiss born, New York-based famed photographer Henry Lewtwyler entitled “Neverland Lost: A Portrait of Michael Jackson” showing his most pricey possessions from his Neverland home which were held in a storage room as creditors keep rolling in for a piece of the action.  Book is available on amazon.com

June 2, 2010

The popular Lady Gaga speaks out on the Larry King Show.  Gaga wants everyone to know she was deeply distressed over Michael Jackson’s death.  Michael was an icon and a remarkable human being.  Lady Gaga was supposed to be included on the opening act for his smash hit, “This Is It!”  Lady Gaga says, “When I die hope to go down in entertainment history as a pop icon.”

June 2, 2010

Gary, Indiana the late singer’s hometown is planning a $300 million-dollar Michael Jackson theater, art center and museum.  Michael an ordinary boy with a large family from a steel town turned the world upside down.  He rose to be a superstar in the 70s.  In the 80s Michael broke the MTV color barrier with his smash video hits “Billie Jean” “Thriller” and “Beat It.”  Jackson’s estate has grossed over $1 billion, but with all his creditors knocking at the door there may be nothing left for his beneficiaries and charities.

June 6, 2010

Randy Jackson and the Forest Lawn Cemetery have come to an agreement allowing fans to visit his brother’s grave site beginning with the anniversary of the singer’s death June 25th.  Fans can leave flowers at the mausoleum and pay their respects every day.  Janet Jackson, Katherine and the three children together with Michael’s ex-wife, Lisa Marie Presley will also be at the cemetery.

June 8, 2010

No one gave the Beverly Hilton Hotel permission to host an event titled “Forever Michael” put together by the Jackson Foundation and VoicePlate.com set for June 26th at $150 a ticket.  It seems Katherine and the children will be out of town and the estate was not contacted to use Michael’s images which would be in violation of intellectual property.

June 11, 2010

Michael Jackson’s Russian fans will protest outside the criminal courthouse in downtown LA for Dr. Conrad Murray’s June 14th hearing.  The group is called “JusticeforMJ.”  There will also be a Houston rally.

June 12, 2010

Attorneys representing Dr. Conrad Murray are opposing California’s Medical Board’s legal brief filed with the court to forbid the doc from practicing medicine until the conclusion of the criminal trial against him.  Dr. Murray pleaded “Not Guilty” in February.  Trial date to be set at a hearing this coming Monday.

June 13, 2010

Joe Jackson wants the world to know how his wife, Katherine failed to save Michael from the prescription drugs that killed him.  He knew something was wrong, but now it’s too late my son is gone.  Joe says he spent months urging his wife to get Michael into a rehab facility for his prescription drug addiction, but she did nothing.  Michael would always listen to his mother, but never to his father.  Joe now admits he failed Michael as he looks back over the past year of the grief and tragedy of the Jackson family.  Katherine is still grieving while the three children and are doing quite well over the loss of their father, Michael.   They know their biological mother, Debbie Rowe.  She has come to visit the three children.  Meanwhile Michael thought someone was going to kill him.  Joe started worrying after Michael agreed to a $25 million dollar deal on his comeback London tour for the upcoming “This Is It” destined to be a smash hit.  Then they increased the number of shows from 15 to 50 when Michael told me he only signed for a 15-show workload.  So Randy Michael’s brother was supposed to look into this.  Wish Michael would have walked away that day.  It would be the last time I would ever see Michael.  Then my daughter, La Toya called me that he passed away.  Knew I needed to get to LA and headed to the family home in Encino.  I had to see my son, but not on a slab.  We’re all sad and miss him especially Paris, Prince Michael and Blanket.  Michael was the greatest dad, but strict with his three children.  I know Katherine and Debbie Rowe have a good relationship.  I’m still looking for justice as Dr. Conrad Murray was charged with Involuntary Manslaughter last February.  I have filed a wrongful death suit against Dr. Murray.  There’s another legal action pending against AEG challenging the attorneys over my late son’s estate.  I don’t know why Michael said bad things about me.  Did not want to see my son end up hanging around in street gangs.  I put a tremendous amount of work into developing him for show biz.  Michael knew how much I loved him.  My one regret is that I didn’t say goodbye properly.  I want the world to remember his legacy.

June 14, 2010

Attorney Adam Streisand gets back at Joe Jackson for his cruel attack on his wife Katherine.  Mrs. Jackson’s attorney says the world has known that she is and will always be a loving mother and grandmother that had a special relationship with Michael.  Howard Weitzman, attorney for the late Michael Jackson estate says Joe Jackson’s remarks that Katherine was responsible for Michael’s death are outrageous.  Everyone knows Joe is left out of Michael’s Will as the estate plan reflects the love for his mother.

June 14, 2010

There is silence as Judge Pastor rules that Michael Jackson’s physician can keep his medical license setting an August 23rd preliminary hearing for the criminal charges of Involuntary Manslaughter against Dr. Murray.  Seated in the courtroom were Mr. and Mrs. Jackson and family.

June 15, 2010

Michael’s younger brother, Randy Jackson is okay after being hospitalized at Huntington Memorial in Pasadena, LA presumably suffering from a mild heart attack.

June 17, 2010

Jackson family feud continues as Alejandra Jackson and her four children refuse to move out of the Encino home into a San Fernando Valley condo owned by the late Michael Jackson estate.  Mrs. Jackson is offering a parting gift besides the condo, but the rift still goes on.  Alejandra, the former wife of Jermaine Jackson was first married to his younger brother, Randy.  She previously fought Jermaine in court for child support.

June 18, 2010

AEG, concert promoter and executors of Michael Jackson’s estate pay $1.3 million to the City of LA for the costs they incurred during the July, 2009 memorial at Staples Center honoring MJ.

June 18, 2010

Joe Jackson takes legal action against AEG, London concert promoters for failing to provide medical equipment to Dr. Murray.  They hired him at $150,000 a month to be his son’s personal physician.

June 18, 2010

Michael Jackson’s duet with Paul McCartney on the single, “Say, Say, Say” a popular hit in the USA climbed to the top of the billboard charts surpassing “I’ll Be There” “Billie Jean” and “Beat It.”

June 20, 2010

Michael’s three children have always been home schooled, but now his mother, Katherine will be sending them to a private school in September.  Katherine says that Paris has a lovely way about her just like Michael and the talent to be an actress one day.  She built a shrine inside the bedroom to memorialize her father.

June 20, 2010

From a hotel suite in Las Vegas, LaToya Jackson reveals her brother, the legendary singer, “Man in the Mirror.”  Born two years apart, the two looked identical and were inseparable.  They loved to play, dance and watch a Fred Astaire movie with his rare tap dancing skills which Michael would copy every night until he got it right.  LaToya remembers so many great things about Michael like his amazing sense of humor that the world never knew which she talks about in an interview.

June 21, 2010

Is Michael bigger than Elvis Presley?  Michael is one of the most successful worldwide celebrities.  Should we surprised that Jackson’s music generated $430 million since he died in June, 2009?  The late Jackson estate took in $1 billion from merchandising deals and music sales.  Elvis Enterprises did not take in that much.  Between 2005 and 2008 the Elvis estate took in $30 to $40 million.  Jackson is waiting to be a Las Vegas attraction.  Eventually he will be housed at the famous MGM Hotel & Casino.

June 22, 2010

Billboard, the celebrity magazine says the late MJ’s Estate earned nearly a $1billion in less than a year through music sales, new licensing and catalogue deals since the superstar passed away.

June 22, 2010

A documentary on the inside story is released on “What killed the King of Pop?”  His best music hits were at the top of the charts.

June 22, 2010

“Michael Jackson and Bubbles: The Untold Story” on Animal Planet channel.  LaToya Jackson reunites with the singer’s former chimpanzee in this new documentary which reveals what happened to Bubbles over the last 20 years.

June 22, 2010

Jermaine Jackson sits down with Larry King at Forest Lawn Cemetery.  Jermaine tells Larry he believes it was a conspiracy to kill his brother, Michael.  Jermaine also feels that Michael should be buried at Neverland not in a burial vault at Holly Terrace where the atmosphere is cold and hollow.  It does not give me a warm feeling.  Larry King says, California rules are that burial plots should only be in cemeteries.

June 23, 2010

Attorney representing the late Michael Jackson estate is threatening to sue Howard Mann, Katherine’s new business venture partner since he might be infringing on Michael’s copyrights.  Mann says he plans to go into business with Katherine to sell 273 unreleased songs recorded by Michael which he obtained from a storage locker owned by the Jackson family since Joe did not pay the bill.  Is this Mann evil?

June 23, 2010

Katherine Jackson speaks from the lovely Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills, California where she thanks fans around the world for their love and support to the Jackson family including honoring and celebrating her son’s life this past year.  If Michael were here he would say, “I love you more.”  Katherine says, “Michael was born with rhythm.”  World premiere of book, “Never Can Say Goodbye” at Beverly Hilton on Saturday, June 26th.  Purchase exclusively from official website: http://www.jacksonsecretvault.com

June 24, 2010

Dr. Conrad Murray’s attorneys make a deal with Las Vegas Family Court for back payments of child support.  The doctor did not have to appear even though he was in arrears.  Dr. Murray’s medical license won’t be revoked.

June 25, 2010

Joe Jackson’s latest attack on Dr. Murray.  He’s filed a wrongful death action.  It’s the first anniversary since his son’s death.   Joe will not rest until there is justice.  He sits down on national TV complaining about his late son’s estate.  It’s not because Joe is left out of the Will, he still claims it’s not his son’s signature and therefore the Will is a fraud.  Joe then decides to promote a rap tune using a sample from the hit “Smooth Criminal.”  Maybe Joe is trying to make a fast buck, but when it comes to the law he’s out of luck.

June 25, 2010

It’s finally available an e-book by Fast Pencil on “What Really Happened to Michael Jackson” – The Evil Side of the Entertainment Industry by Michael’s close friend and legendary concert promoter, Leonard Rowe.  Now the world will know the true story.  Rowe’s former publicist is accusing the music manager of being disloyal to Michael and the Jackson family.  Although Michael’s ex-wife was Debbie Rowe she is not related to Leonard Rowe.  Joe Jackson and Leonard Rowe have a close-knit relationship.  There is much controversy that Michael fired Leonard Rowe.  Many years ago Rowe spent time in a federal prison facility convicted of an insurance check cashing crime.      .

June 25, 2010

Michael Jackson’s never-before-seen “Blue Eye” photo taken in 1999 by 23-year-old French photographer, Arno Bani will be auctioned in December.

June 25, 2010

On the anniversary of the King of Pop’s death a Swarovski-crystal-studded glove worn on his 1984 “Victory Tour” was sold to Wanda Kelley of LA for $160,000 with an additional $30,000 buyer’s premium fee going to Julien’s Auctions inside the famous Planet Hollywood of Las Vegas.

June 25, 2010

As Michael Jackson’s fans around the world mourn his death, filmmaker, and celebrity biographer, Ian Halperin’s releases an 88-minute film titled “Gone Too Soon” a groundbreaking documentary @http://www.gonetoosoon.tv/  Halperin’s tell-it-all 2009 book “Unmasked, The Final Years of Michael Jackson” hit the best-seller list.  It predicts Michael Jackson’s demise and provides for the first time a vivid behind-the-scenes of what really happened to end Michaels’s dream.

June 25, 2010

Dr. Murray’s defense attorneys deny the allegations that he was at a strip club on June 24th drinking and not treating the King of Pop.  Dr. Murray does not drink any alcohol.  His attorney hints at a possible defense strategy.  Will the jury’s verdict be not guilty?

June 25, 2010

Michael’s three children take off for a vacation in Maui, Hawaii which they took with their grandmother, Katherine Jackson on the evening before the first anniversary of their dad’s death while the rest of the Jackson family including friends and Michael’s fans attend a memorial at Glendale, California Forest Lawn Cemetery.  Randy Jackson was very upset that Michael’s children were not there.  Michael Jackson is entombed in a vault at Forest Lawn’s Holly Terrace.  His brother Jermaine spoke about remembering Michael’s legacy.  Michael’s niece, Genevieve, Randy’s daughter was with Katherine Jackson on Friday when she unveiled a 7-foot high black granite monument with a concrete base honoring the King of Pop featuring a silhouette of Michael Jackson in one of his famous dancing moonwalk moves inscribed, “King of Pop, Michael J. Jackson August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009.  Hometown of Michael Jackson, Gary, IN.” with “Never Can Say Goodbye.”  The monument is in front of Jackson’s childhood recently fenced-in home.  The house was freshly painted with newly-planted bushes, new concrete on walkway and driveway leading up to 2300 Jackson Street, Gary, Indiana.  The only time Michael returned to Gary was in 2003 when the performing arts center plans were still on the table.  His visit has been documented in a new film released June 25th in Japan titled, “Michael Jackson Commemorated.”

June 25, 2010

Michael Jackson’s wax figure is displayed at Madame Tussaud’s Hollywood Museum commemorating his death on the first anniversary.

June 26, 2010

Foreign tourists and dignitaries watch 900 Philippine convicts get on the scene wearing “This Is It” black t-shirts and orange pants doing their famous dancing routine on the first anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death with a tribute performance to some of his fantastic hits, “Thriller,” “Ben,” “They Don’t Really Care About Us,” and “Billie Jean.”  

June 27, 2010

Chris Brown at BET Awards gives an emotional tribute to Michael.  There’s a mixed reaction.  Jermaine Jackson says it was very touching for me and his fans, but obviously I cannot support Brown’s abusive assault on his ex-girlfriend, Rhianna.  He certainly believes in Brown as a singer.  It was Janet and her father, Joe Jackson first public appearance since Michael’s death.  Janet gets on stage to express her feelings and the Jackson family.  She thanks everyone for their love and support.  We miss Michael so much as she tries not to cry with tears in her eyes.

June 28, 2010

The judge could stop the “King of Pop’s mother from receiving a monthly estate allowance based on her needs if she receives other monies.

June 28, 2010

Joe Jackson decides to drop his bid for a $20,000 monthly estate stipend.. Joe will instead pursue a wrongful death lawsuit.

June 28, 2010

Katherine and Joe Jackson are lining their pockets after a ritzy-glitzy King of Pop event held at a Beverly Hilton Hotel party with tickets as high as $500, not exactly a drop in the bucket.

June 28, 2010

Katherine Jackson’s “Never Can Say Goodbye” coffee table picture book co-authored by Howard Mann, the man with a plan that made a fortune off of online nude gambling.  Katherine has more deals in the works with Showbiz.411.com bringing her one heavenly contract with Mann which guarantees $10,000 month for promoting the book, which Mann claims Katherine will net $10 million.

July 2, 2010

This is the day that “Captain EO” returns with Michael Jackson performing his singing and “Thriller” dance moves in “3-D” the musical film grand re-opening at Walt Disney’s Epcot in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, USA,

July 1, 2010

Orlando’s “Church Street Station” dancers from many local schools and fundraisers honoring MJ’s commitment to the community pay tribute to the greatest legendary entertainer.

July 2, 2010

Cheers to Janet Jackson who performed at 2010 Louisiana Essence Music Festival.  It was her first concert in more than two years.  She wanted to be there to show her support for the Katrina and BP tragedy.

July 3, 2010

“Michael Jackson: The Final Days” Saturday night on CNN with interviews by MJ’s brothers, Tito and Jermaine.  The King of Pop lived in the exclusive neighborhood of Bel Air in a mansion at 100 North Carolwood Drive, Holmby Hills, California.  The Jackson family and his devoted fans are still mourning.

July 12, 2010

Just in time for the Thanksgiving holidays, a new video game named “Michael Jackson, The Experience” developed by Ubisoft with Michael’s signature moonwalk moves and best tunes which his estate has approved.  Sing-a-long to the hit tunes of “Billie Jean” and “Beat It.”  The game is available on PlayStation 3, XBox 360 in addition to Nintendo’s Wii system.   John Branca, co-executor of Michael’s estate says the video game is great entertainment for the entire family.  I’m sure Michael would be very pleased.

July 13, 2010

Jackson’s Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara, California may be a State park attraction.

July 22, 2010

The sensational Ne-Yo, singer-songwriter wants the world to know that his new album “Libra Scale” was inspired by the magnificent talent of  Michael Jackson.

July 24, 2010

Coming in August as a gift to Michael Jackson the song and dance man, his fan group will have a memorial in a special garden dedicated to him when he’s inducted into the Hall of Fame and National Dance Museum.

July 27, 2010

A Netherlands woman named Mocienne Petit Jackson claiming to be MJ’s lost daughter filed papers with the LA Superior Court ordering a DNA test so she could start receiving inheritance checks.  Is her story far-fetched?  She says Katherine Jackson knows what happened.  Mocienne feels she’s entitled to custody of Michael’s three children since he impregnated her mother, Barbara the sister to soul singer, Diana Ross, an alternative guardian mentioned in Michael’s “2002″ Will.

July 28, 2010

Seven physicians will not be convicted on prescriptions given to Michael.

July 31, 2010

It’s a time to remember Jackson’s old and new tunes coming out this November with collaborations by Akon, Will.i.am and Neo under the Sony Record Company.

August 5, 2010

The Holmby Hills mansion on estate grounds in a fashionable upscale neighborhood of Bel Air previously rented to Michael Jackson and his three children for $100,000 a month has been reduced to $28 mil.

August 7, 2010

Joe Jackson’s wrongful lawsuit against Dr. Conrad Murray could be tossed out of court.  Joe’s complaint alleges that Dr. Murray did not divulge important information to physicians and emergency medical technicians that he administered propofol to Michael before he passed away.

August 8, 2010

A multi-millionaire developer disclosed that Jackson told him he wanted to build a new Peter Pan Neverland.  Jackson asked me if I could give him a  special deal to build a $585 million dollar mansion in Bel Air, an exclusive section of LA.  MJ was flat broke so the developer suggested he rent the mansion in Holmby Hills where Jackson fatally overdosed from Propofol.

August 12, 2010

At a London concert, Michael Jackson had a secret tunnel built from the stage into his dressing room because Jackson did not want to stop and chat with anyone.

August 15, 2010

The song and dance man is inducted into the National Museum and Hall of Fame at Saratoga Springs, New York where Michael Jackson’s name will forever reign.   Marlon Jackson accepted his brother’s award at the gala ceremony.   Marlon told attendees how he and his brother visited hospitals and entertained sick children.

August 16, 2010

Joe Jackson’s attorney, Brian Oxman takes a flop.  He was supposed to be handing his appellate brief to the judge who wants to toss the wrongful death lawsuit.  Oxman asked for a delay and hopes the judge will grant him an extension.

August 18, 2010

Montreal developer Ubisoft has unveiled at a trade show in Germany some of Michael’s famous song tracks on “The Experience” video game.  Fans will be able to sing-a-long and perform the King of Pop’s magical groovy dance moves.

August 21, 2010

Allgood Entertainment Company thought they were gonna be rich, but a New York judge dismissed their $300 million lawsuit which claimed Michael and his brothers reneged on a string of London gigs.  Jackson estate lawyer says the deal was lame as they never signed their names.

August 23, 2010

What does Dr. Conrad Murray have to say?  He’s back in an LA courtroom today before Judge Michael Pastor pleading “Not Guilty” to Involuntary Manslaughter.  Michael Jackson’s family and friends were in attendance.  Fans protested outside the courthouse.  No one was arrested.  Meanwhile a preliminary hearing has been set for January 4th, 2011 whether there’s enough evidence for Dr. Murray a 57-year-old cardiologist to stand trial.  The doctor posted $75,000 bail which keeps him out of jail.

August 23, 2010

Coming this Sunday “Brooklyn once again loves Michael Jackson”  Spike Lee’s Tribute to the King of Pop, Soul of Rock ‘n Roll.  There will probably be a yearly celebration in Prospect Park’s Nethermead.

August 27, 2010

No more fun and games for the famous Jackson children.  Prince and Paris will be attending the prestigious Buckley private school surrounded by the beautiful mountainous hills of Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley while their younger brother nicknamed “Blanket” continues home-schooling.

August 28, 2010

Brian Oxman, attorney for the late Michael Jackson is damn angry over the estate administrators negotiations with an auction house to sell Jacko’s personal property.  While he was alive the King of Pop stopped the deal as he wanted Prince, Paris and Blanket to remember his treasured legacy.   When MJ passed away Julien’s Auctions and the estate began negotiating.

August 29, 2010

On September 6th, Michael Jackson along with the Beatles and other well-known artists could be selected as the greatest musicians of the century topping VHI’s list.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Michael was married to Lisa Marie Presley on May 18, 1984 in Santa Domingo(Dominican Republican)divorced January 18, 1996, only daughter of Elvis Presley

Married Debbie Rowe, a former nurse in Sydney, Australia on November 15, 1996, divorced October 8, 1999

Three Children:

Prince Michael Joseph Jackson: Born 1997 – Mother Debbie Rowe

Paris Michael Katherine Jackson: Born 1998 – Mother Debbie Rowe

Prince Michael Jackson II aka Blanket: Born 2002 – Surrogate Mother

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In Memory of the late Michael Joseph Jackson, a Worldwide Attraction

for his originality in music, singing and dancing

a philanthropist and humanitarian

Michael Jackson’s life and legacy to be remembered till infinity

(August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009) Born in Gary, Indiana

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

aka The Jester from Westchester

All Rights Reserved

“Trial of the Century” will be offered for sale shortly

Stay tuned for more upcoming news!

Is everyone making a big fuss or is it just some of us?  The days of good music seems to be gone along with the great singers and lyrics to a beautiful song.  Now people tap into rap.  Sometimes it sounds like a bunch of crap.  Can’t understand what the rapper is saying.  Taking off their shirts and walking around like a bunch of jerks.  Looks like all they’re doing is waving booties, shaking and tooting.

In the world of music the only thing that’s real is downright sex appeal.  The fewer clothes you wear the more people will stare.

Rap artists who were born and raised in the hood claim they’ve always been misunderstood.  What are we supposed to do with the motley crew?  Should they go on and on until we say screw you and your rapping tunes?  Most of us would like to be famous, but do we want to end up shameless?

The raunchy and dirtier things get the public builds up a heavy sweat.  More artists are put to the test, but what the audience really wants to see is more and more sex.  What the heck did you expect?

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

Satire

All Rights Reserved

JENNIFER LYNN LOPEZ

(From the city blocks to flashy rocks)

“WHATAYA KNOW ABOUT J.LO?”

Jenny would always go with a different beau.  Did she try to “hold you down” Fat Joe?  Well, she fell under the spell of Marc Anthony.  Bet you don’t know he’s not related to any Egyptian family.  In actuality “Mark Antony” was attracted to Queen Cleopatra, but she certainly would have been no match for Jenny Lo who’s so beautiful from head to toe, right Fat Joe?

On June 4, 2004, Jenny from the block and singer-actor, Marc Anthony were secretly married.  It was the third time around for the bride who wore a glamorous ivory lacy Vera Wang gown and a flowery crown with studded million-dollar jewelry.  Marc Anthony wore a suit by “Armani.”

New twin tots on the block

Baby joy! The mom is doing great with a girl and a boy born on Friday, February 22, 2008.  Emme and Max are the new twin tots on the block.  Marc and Jenny can’t wait to dress up their little tots in cute shoes and ruffled socks.  The latest fad for the mom and dad is a J.Lo designer diaper bag with burping bibs, lots of kids’ toys, a playpen and fancy cribs.

From Castle Hill to the Hollywood Hills

Jennifer deserves all the praise.  She was born on July 24, 1969 and raised in the Castle Hill section heart of the South Bronx.  Her mother a music teacher and father a computer specialist.  J.Lo’s parents were born in Puerto Rico and chose to run a strict Catholic household.  The mother and father are absolutely thrilled when their daughter took off for the Hollywood Hills.  Her two sisters, Lynda and Leslie are musically inclined.  Jennifer had singing and dancing on her mind.

Nicknamed J.Lo she became an American actress, singer, dancer, fashion designer, record and television producer.  She’s been voted one of the sexiest Latin women on the planet.

Jennifer Lynn Lopez the little girl who grew up on Blackrock Avenue in the Bronx, New York played all kinds of games on the city blocks.  Little did J.Lo know she’d grow up to be the hottest Latin singer and actress.

The fabulous Jennifer Lopez first auditioned as a dancer on rap music videos.  She made her mark climbing to the top of the charts with R&B, Pop/Rock, Hip-Hop, Latin Pop, Dance-Pop and never stopped.  Jenny worked hard for those flashy diamond rocks.

The complete “J.Lo” rhyming piece will be offered for sale shortly

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

aka The Jester from Westchester

All Rights Reserved

Cheats and liars are about the same. They have no shame, no brains, and therefore quite lame. You might be surprised to find some cheats in the “Hall of Fame” with their names engraved as top players in all sorts of sports. Strange as it may seem these guys are out for one thing, to screw a dame.

The Unfaithful

Lawrence Taylor

Former New York Giants linebacker and NFL Pro football Hall of Famer may land in the can on sexual charges leading to a third-degree felony.  Taylor posted $75,000 in bail which keeps him out of jail.  He’s been indicted by a Grand Jury on third-degree rape and criminal abuse of an underage runaway NYC prostitute.  On May 6, 2010 the police arrest Lawrence Taylor for allegedly paying a 16-year-old $300 when she was brought to his hotel room at the Holiday Inn in Suffern, New York by a pimp for sex.  New York City federal prosecutors charge Rasheed Davis, the pimp with allegedly assaulting and endangering the welfare of a teen.  The girl’s Uncle who lives in the Bronx called 911 to report her missing and that she had been text messaging.  Lawrence Taylor was in court on July 13th with his attorney, Arthur Aidala, a legal paid analyst for Fox News who entered a plea of “not guilty.”  Taylor appeared on “Dancing with the Stars” last year.  The trial will be in 2011 where Taylor could face a prison sentence of up to four years.  At one time he was abusing alcohol and drugs.

* * * * * *

Bold Kobe!

Kobe Bryant a professional basketball superstar had a sexual-assault charge.  Bryant, the guy labeled as “Mr. Clean” for his untarnished image denied allegations in June, 2003 that he attacked a teen employee at the Lodge & Spa Resort in Colorado, but did admit to sexual contact.  Charges were dropped as the victim declined to testify and an unspecified settlement was reached in a civil lawsuit.  Kobe did not want to be scrutinized as a brute so later on he apologized to the young woman, her family, friends and the citizens of Eagle, Colorado for his behavior.

Many politicians play the same cheating game. Former  V.P. Al Gore of Tennessee, Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer of New York, Gov. Marshall Clement “Mark” Sanford of So. Carolina and former senator and presidential candiate John Edwards of No. Carolina went down the drain in political shame by ruining their good names.

* * * * * *

Al Gore’s alleged sexual encounter with a masseuse

In 2006 a complaint was reported to the Portland District Attorney’s Office against former VP Al Gore of Nashville, Tennessee by an unidentified 54-year-old masseuse.  At that time the Portland woman made up her mind not to proceed with a criminal investigation into her sexual encounter with Al Gore.  On January 8, 2009 Molly Hagerty, the therapist re-filed a complaint alleging  Gore checked into the Lucia Hotel under the anonymous name of Mr. Stone, then made an appointment for a massage in his room and that’s when Gore sexually assaulted her.  In May, 2010 she considered suing Al Gore instead the masseuse decided to contact the National Enquirer to see if they would be willing to print her story for a whopping $1 million.  The masseuse claims she has DNA of the alleged sexual groping by Gore and has consulted with an attorney.  Gore has denied sexually assaulting the therapist.  On June 1st, Al Gore and his wife Tipper announced that after 40 years of marriage they’ve decided to split.  Authorities have carefully investigated the masseuse’s allegations and found no DNA on pants, including  a non-credible witness  who turns out to be a homeless person, plus the fact that she failed to pass a lie detector test, her story would not stand up in a court of law.  Two more masseuses have come forward claiming Gore’s inappropriate behavior.  In one incident he allegedly was naked and asked the massage therapist to take care of his peck.  The Gore’s spokeswoman said they are not upset over these latest allegations generated by tabloids for the stories are inaccurate and misleading.  The public thought Gore was as a bore, but now they’re wondering if he lured the masseuse.  After examining conflicting witness statements and insufficient evidence Portland, Oregon prosecutors have concluded that allegations filed in 2006 of sexual assault on a masseuse by Gore are dismissed.

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Spitzer “Sheriff of Wall Street” kicked out of politics

Former “Lovey Govey” illicit affair with high-priced call-girl Ashley Dupre’ kicked him out of politics.  His wife and family decided to stick with Spitz.  There’s now an Eliot  Spitzer  documentary which debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival.  It depicts the rise and fall of Spitzer, his family, friends, tales and woes of corporate foes, and his connections with madams and prostitutes as an elite member of the “Emperors Club VIP.”  Many NYC voters would like to see Eliot Spitzer run for mayor in 2013.  Spitzer says he’s flattered, but it’s never going to happen. He’ll just stick to his family’s real estate holdings  in Manhattan.  Now we hear CNN has hired Spitzer and Kathleen Parker, award winning columnist to host their own primetime news show.

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Sanford tried to be discreet – Turned out to be a cheat

Gov. Sanford’s wife, Jenny gets a new life.  She’s finally granted a divorce from her husband, Mark after 20 years of marriage because of his infidelity.  He admitted philandering with Maria Belen Chapur, an Argentinian beauty.  She was his “soul mate.” It was like Mark drove a stake straight through Jenny’s heart. Their marriage fell apart.  If you have the housewife blues, it’s time to read Jenny’s book “Staying True.” Don’t let that lousy spouse screw you.

It didn’t take long for Jenny to mend.  She found herself a new boyfriend. He’s Clay Boardman an  Augusta, Georgia businessman who’s also been through divorce court.

South Carolina lawmakers after thoroughly discussing the governor’s misconduct have reached the conclusion that Mark Sanford will not be impeached. The governor pleaded not guilty, but agreed to pay $74,000 in fines when he broke the state ethics rules and traveled five days in June to Brazil for sex and thrills. Sanford also agreed to pay $36,498 penalty for an investigation into his itinerary that he used the state’s private aircraft, purchased expensive airline tickets and misappropriating campaign money. South Carolina is changing the rules so next time they don’t get screwed.  The disgraced Gov. Sanford will not face criminal charges in the ethics case.

Is there a chance for Mark Sanford to rekindle his romance with Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentinian beauty now that he’s been through divorce proceedings?  The two were seen  together in the Florida Keys.

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John Edwards apologized for Sex Scandal and Lies

Next in line is former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards who tried to stay away from ex-mistress and former campaign videographer, 46-year-old Rielle Hunter, aka Lisa Druck, as she’s asking for $17,910 a month in child support for her baby daughter, Frances Quinn Hunter which Edwards refuses to pay. Looks like Edwards wants to get away from acknowledging that he’s the daddy of the baby.

It comes as no surprise that Andrew Young was Edward’s fall guy. Young lied for Edwards and said he was the daddy of the Rielle Hunter’s baby. In the meantime Hunter is planning to sue. If Edwards only knew what he was getting into. An ex-politician with no brains and no shame. This cheating louse buys his ex-mistress a house.

John Edwards’ spouse Elizabeth who is suffering from Cancer wants to personally meet the 22-month-old baby, Frances Quinn Hunter, and is insisting that her husband ought to pay for child support.

Teary-eyed Elizabeth and her cheating spouse, John Edwards have signed a separation agreement after being married for 32 years.  John is sleeping with the other animals in his family’s barn.  Some anonymous sources claim John might have harmed Elizabeth.  Edwards has gotten himself into an ugly mess.

John Edwards’ “dirty little secret” after taking a DNA paternity test has finally been exposed.   Now the whole world knows that he is the illegitimate daddy of his former mistress, Rielle Hunter’s nearly two-year-old baby.

It’s been revealed by a racy newspaper claiming that John Edwards asked Rielle Hunter to marry him after announcing he is the father of her baby. More gossip is rolling in that John and Rielle are engaged which Edwards absolutely denies any validity to these stories.

From baby trouble to earthquake rubble John Edwards shows up on the island of Haiti. Maybe Edwards wants the world to know that he’s human after all.

John Edwards’ ex-aide Andrew Young wrote a piercing sensational tell-it-all book “The Politician” an unflattering story of John and Elizabeth Edwards which should stun the nation. Edwards’ former staffer claimed to be the daddy of Rielle Hunter’s baby.

Young has a tape which he plans to reveal on the sexy details of John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s shady love affair. Andrew Young’s interview will be aired on ABC’s “20/20.”

John Edwards’ former mistress, Rielle Hunter is suing Andrew Young and his wife, Cheri for invasion of privacy over a video Young claims shows Edwards and Rielle Hunter in a sexual encounter.

Andrew Young said the only copy of this sex tape is locked up in an Atlanta safe deposit box. North Carolina Superior Judge court orders Young to turn over the alleged sex tape which Mr. Young claims depicts a pregnant Rielle Hunter and John Edwards in the nude performing unprotected oral sex.

Judge Abraham Penn has sentenced Andrew Young and his wife, Cheri to 75 days in the pokey as the judge believes they have not told the truth about other copies of the sex tape while giving their sworn testimony.

Rielle Hunter “spills the beans” to GQ Magazine in an exclusive one-on-one interview. She got the hots right on the spot for “Johnny” Edwards when they first met in 2006 inside the lobby of the Regency in NYC. Later that evening they went up to his hotel room and screwed.

Rielle reveals her stuffed “animal instinct” in racy photos for GQ the popular men’s magazine wearing a white shirt and surrounded by white sheets looking like “Mrs. Clean.”

Meanwhile John Edwards is being investigated by federal authorities under a grand jury indictment for using presidential campaign money to cover up the love affair he had with Rielle, his blonde honey. Elizabeth Edwards maybe testifying against her estranged hubby.

Last by not least, Elizabeth is left with a broken heart. Under North Carolina law a person has the right to sue a “third party” for the breakup of a marriage which Elizabeth Edwards intends to do and has threatened Andrew Young for contributing to her marriage that fell apart.

Elizabeth Edwards decided to get things off her chest by writing a book titled “Resilience” the painful story of a woman suffering from Cancer and a cheating husband who confessed to screwing Rielle Hunter, his mistress.

The National Enquirer is up for the Pulitzer Prize in Journalism since breaking the secret love story of John and Rielle forcing Edwards to admit that he is the daddy of Hunter’s baby.

Rielle Hunter sits down and chitchats with Oprah Winfrey  about her sexy encounter with Johnny.  Rielle says, “I’m no home wrecker.”  Oops!  I forgot to put on my panties in photo shoot.  Of course Johnny thought I looked cute.

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Ashley Dupre’ from ex-call-girl to sex columnist

Let’s see what former Gov. Spitzer’s side dish, Ashley Dupre’ has to say. The “ex-call-girl” tells it all as a sex columnist for the New York Post. Ask Ashley, the “sexy host” with the most. This rich bitch gives advice and tips on sexual relationships. Do ex-whores get paid more?

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Steve McNair’s Deadly Love Affair

Now it’s time for the deadly love story of former national league football star Steve McNair and his extramarital affair. He was found dead in his bed lying next to the cold body of his 20-year-old girlfriend who must have been in great despair when she shot McNair twice in the chest and head.

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The Juicy Tale of a Mighty Tiger

Tiger Woods tried to be discreet, but now his apologetic words are on the street. Tiger has to face the public disgrace that he committed infidelity and cheated on his wife and family. It’s difficult to hide once you’re a celebrity. “What’s mine is mine and what’s his is mine.” Tiger’s fate when he pulled down his drawers and scored. “Bad boy” has fling for “girlie things.” Condoms maybe his biggest sponsor.

Tiger’s beautiful Swedish wife Elin Nordegren who previously was a nanny and teen swimsuit model, buys her own six-bedroom home on the faraway small island of Faglaro, called Faglaro farm in Sweden. After Tiger’s infidelity why would Elin want to be in the same house with a cheating spouse? Violating one’s trust can definitely harm anybody psychologically.

Elin is suffering from all the publicity and humility. She’s been spotted not wearing her wedding ring. Is Elin leaving or staying? This beautiful young lady maybe filing papers in the State of California under “no-fault divorce” for an equal share of money and property.

The bookies set odds that Tiger and Elin will split with the prospects of a divorce settlement, plus what’s up with Tiger Woods’ future on the “green scene?”

There’s a string of rumors going around that Elin wants full custody of the children and half of everything. Split down the middle Elin would get $300 million. A large pill for Tiger to swallow. Meanwhile the word is out that Tiger refuses help for his sex and pill addiction. His life maybe straight downhill.

From an underwear model to a nightclub cocktail waitress, high-priced call girls, a cougar, stripper and two “porn stars,” Tiger loved and adored “14″ alleged mistresses perhaps more. The women say they are not whores. No one is really sure. They’re all coming out of the woodwork with their “kiss-and-tell” how they fell for Tiger the jerk.

Never judge a book by its cover, Tiger the mysterious lover. When all is said and done, Tiger’s father, Earl Woods was no different than his son. Tiger’s Mom, Kultilda (Tida) had to deal with her husband’s infidelity. It must have drove her up a tree. Meanwhile Tiger sets sail on his $22 million dollar 155-foot yacht “Privacy” for a lonely holiday away from the family with a bunch of cronies. Tiger needs time to analyze everything that’s happening. Some witnesses believe Tiger’s yacht is still docked.

Now we hear that Tiger got a court order to block his nude photos, but it maybe too late as Playgirl has come on the scene waiting to confirm the authenticity of these nude pics then they’ll be published in their magazine. Were the alleged mistresses paid big bucks to keep their mouth shut? How much did Tiger pay for each “f – - k?”

Some sponsors have stopped advertising as Tiger wants his privacy. While Tiger lays low Proctor & Gamble’s Gillette officially phases out the pro’s razor shaves. Other giant companies such as Nike, EA Sports and Upper Deck are losing money over Tiger’s infidelity, but so far they are sponsoring.

Pepsi’s Gatorade Tiger Focus drink, Kelloggs and Accenture were the first to go. They will no longer sponsor the golf pro. AT&T will not be sponsoring Tiger for its text messaging. They’ve decided he’s not the right man for their cell phone service plans.

The clock stops as TAG Heuer the famous Swiss watchmaker drops Tiger from its U.S. advertising campaign. In light of all the shame and drama Tiger receives “PGA Tour Player of the Year award” while the Associated Press names Tiger “Athlete of the Decade” discounting his escapades.

Since Tiger’s car crash and surmounting infidelities, GM has officially announced they will no longer be sponsoring the golf pro.

Well here’s some good news. TAG Heuer has changed its view and decides to stand behind their man. Maybe the watch company believes like Nike that loyalty is the best policy.

An Orlando Corona cigar company is playing up to Tiger by offering $100,000 to sponsor the golf pro celebrity. It’s great publicity for the company, but will this “smoke deal” appeal to the mighty sexy Tiger?

The Tiger brand for “golf’s first billion-dollar man.” This Westchester County, NY company is racking up sales for its “Lucky Tiger” classic barbershop brand.

Here’s a sponsor with a big heart. Electronic Arts is standing by their friend Tiger to the bitter end. This #2 video game company is sticking like glue.

Tiger has screwed shareholders and sponsors out of billions of dollars. When Tiger stopped playing TV ratings dropped.

Tiger Woods’ infidelity could be turned into  a Hollywood movie starring actor, Cuba Gooding Jr. playing the role of a troubled golf pro and his sensational escapades of the alleged “14″ whores that he laid.

The sad news is that Tiger registered into a six-week program at this “no-frills” Pine Grove Behavioral Rehab Facility in Hattiesburg, Mississippi in December, 2009 for group therapy and treatment of sex addiction.

It’s fact not fiction that Tiger’s wife, Elin has been spotted wearing her engagement and wedding rings. The blonde beauty has supposedly threatened to take their children to Sweden unless Tiger promised to stop cheating and enter a rehab facility. Elin has been seen visiting Tiger and it’s believed the divorce is off.

Tiger has shocked us by going topless on the cover of Vanity Fair. Looks like this golf pro is raring to go. Of course who would have guessed he already undressed to have sex with “14″ alleged mistresses.

Brit Hume, newscaster for Fox news, has stated that if Tiger put Christianity into his life it would definitely take away the sins of infidelity. Tiger favors his mother’s religion Buddhism. Maybe Tiger Woods should change his line of business. If he could only rap n da hood like Rapper Maino with his newest single go “Get “Em Tiger.” Perhaps Woods has wised up to all the bad stuff.

Well here’s a new scam by a Colorado man who was arrested on federal charges for placing on store shelves smart “Pop Art” pictures of Tiger Woods and his wife onto Gatorade Tropical-Mango bottle labels which read “Unfaithful.” What will some people think of next to make a fast buck? Tiger was just looking for a damn good “f – - k.”

Who knew Tiger would be coming to the rescue of Haitian victims by donating $3 million to Wyclef Jean’s Foundation hoping to create a mobile facility in Haiti. Maybe this will dampen Tiger’s escapades of infidelity.

There are rumors that Tiger is laying low somewhere in South Africa hiding from the media. Shame, shame to a guy with no brains.

It may not be a big deal, but here comes 20-year-old Rickie Fowler from Oklahoma who might steal the show from Tiger the golf pro. This up and coming PGA Rookie is the newest thing on the putting green. He’s very good and could be the next Tiger Woods.

When flowers bloom in the spring Tiger hopes to be returning to the putting green. Tiger is not sure if he will be ready for the PGA tour. Will he be faithful to the “U.S. Masters” in April?

President Obama in a recent interview stated that he believes Tiger can “turn over a new leaf” despite his infidelities.  I’m sure Tiger feels terrible and will try to put his life back on the right track.

On February 18, 2010, Tiger gives a 13-minute apology on national TV. He says, “I’m deeply sorry for not only behaving selfishly but irresponsibly and will continue my in-patient therapy.” Tiger blames fortune and fame on his infidelities. He tells a small audience, “I was never on performance-enhanced drugs. My wife never hit me before or after the nasty car crash.”

Tiger apologizes to the fans and wants to save his marriage after the pain and agony he caused his wife and family. His words were cold as he scolded the press. Tiger told them he wants privacy when it comes to his family. Why should Woods be different from any other celebrity that is pursued by the Paparazzi?

Tiger’s Mom (Tida) sits with the other attendees and appears to be uptight listening to her son apologizing. She then gets up and throws her arms around him showing love and affection. Kutilda (Tida) Woods told the press how proud she is of her son and that he can be a better person. She feels he has been treated unfairly and wants everybody to know her son has a good heart and soul. Buddhism will help him.

Woods makes no mention or apology to the distress he caused his ex-mistresses, in particular his “11th” alleged mistress, which Gloria Allred defends, a 32-year-old former porn star named Veronica Siwik-Daniels, aka Joslyn James. The sensational stripper who gave up the porn star business at Tiger’s request and went into hiding after the scandalous news. Now James feels she’s been used. James claims Tiger made her pregnant during their three-year love affair resulting in a miscarriage and an abortion. James became very emotional and started to cry when Woods apologized. After Woods’ apology he was seen with his wife, Elin at their villa in Windermere, Florida.

Will the public forgive and forget? Don’t fret for Tiger. This golf pro is a sure bet. Tiger knows he’s the best.

Cheating on a spouse is domestic abuse. Tiger was a recluse, liar and a louse. Elin might have kicked Tiger out of the house.

There’s still more sad news for a Tiger with the blues. Tiger checked into The Meadows an Arizona rehab facility supposedly for the treatment of prescription medication not sex addiction. Woods took “Ambien” a sleeping pill as he was dismayed when his dad passed away.

The FBI is investigating ties between a Canadian doctor and Tiger with the possibility of performance-enhancing drugs. Tiger says he was never a drug user. The guy is definitely a loser.  It seems Tiger got lost in his scheming sex flings.

Well what do you know Tiger the seasoned golf pro shows up at his home in Orlando after spending one week in an Arizona rehab facility for family counseling. He’s back into his old routine of exercising and practicing on the putting green. No one knows for sure when Tiger will be returning to the golf scene.

Steve Williams Tiger’s caddie for 11 years claims he knew nothing about Woods’ intimate sex flings. Williams stands by his man. Tiger has a wonderful wife and family, but he’s certainly let them down due to his shortcomings.

Now here’s an Irish bookie “Paddy Power” that’s not very happy. Guess they thought Tiger would accept their five-year $75 million dollar sponsorship.  Can Tiger afford to be picky?

Tiger’s Mom, Tida is rooting for her son and believes Elin should do the same thing. Tida forgave her husband, Earl Woods for his infidelities. Elin and Tida may not totally agree, but one thing is for sure they both adore Tiger. After all he does bring home the bread and butter.

Who knew Ari Fleischer, former press secretary to President Bush was into the sports communication business. Ari Fleischer has been helping sports legends out of their rough situations. Tiger recently hired Ari to repair his scandalous image as he’s preparing a triumphant comeback to the putting green in Orlando on March 25th at the Bay Hill Club and Lodge, Arnold Palmer Golf Tournament. There’s also the possibility that Tiger will come out swinging his irons in April for the U.S. Masters at the National Golf Club in Augusta, GA.

This just came in that for some reason Ari Fleischer has left the Tiger team. Guess Tiger is ready to once again live his dream.

Now let’s get back to Tiger’s messy Thanksgiving nasty car crash. He was issued and fined $164 for careless driving when officers arrived on the scene. So far an investigative report reveals some of the details. An ambulance takes an unconscious and bloody 33-year-old Tiger Woods to the hospital right after he crashed his 2009 Cadillac SUV into a fire hydrant and neighbor’s tree in the wee hours of the morning. His wife, Elin used a golf club to break the rear window and set him free. Elin hands over to Florida Highway Patrol troopers a couple of bottles of pain medicine. Who knows if it was some type of sedative. Elin tried to board the ambulance, but the paramedic crew did not allow her stating it was a “domestic violence” case. Florida Highway Patrol officer tried to get Tiger’s blood results to complete the investigation, but was told he would need a warrant for any relevant hospital information.  The file is still under lock and key for Tiger is a celebrity.

Here’s some upcoming entertaining news for the public to view. Tiger will be animated in Comedy Central’s opening episode of the “South Park” television show. There’s a clip of Tiger at the podium making a public apology and stating how he could get away with anything. Guess he’s referring to his sex flings.

Well it’s “tee time” for golf enthusiasts as Tiger has announced that he will be playing at the U.S. Masters in Augusta, GA beginning April 8th while continuing his in-patient therapy.

Will golf be the same popular game? Tiger’s fame may overshadow his shame. Does Tiger have more stripes against him? Can he win back the love and affection of Elin?

Lights, camera, action! Former porn star Joslyn James has her moment of fame. It certainly doesn’t look good for Woods as James plastered over “100″ alleged rough sex text messages between her and Tiger with racy photos on the Internet. Tiger’s wife, Elin is upset and has picked up and left.

Joslyn James wants the public to know that when Tiger allegedly ended their three-year love affair it was a devastating blow. People need to understand and not judge me for being with a married man. I would have done things differently if Tiger hadn’t lied to me. She will be posting on her website another round of more than 1,000 sex text messages. James claims Tiger’s friends knew about their secret sex rendezvouses.

Joslyn James is not planning on attending the “Masters” tournament in Augusta. At a news conference with her attorney, Gloria Allred, James says Tiger is dishonest, not truthful and she still deserves an apology. The golf club is making arrangements for tight security.

Alleged #1 ex-mistress Rachel Uchitel, a former nightclub waitress says she was “f – - ked” by Tiger. Woods wants the slut to shut up about their intimate relationship and has offered Rachel megabucks. She’s reportedly agreed to no sharing of sex texts or femails with the public.

Tiger’s kindergarten teacher, Ms. Maureen Decker who has hired attorney Gloria Allred wants a public and private apology from Woods that he was a racist victim and she did nothing to defend him. Tiger relates to an incident in Charles Barkley’s 2005 book, “Who’s Afraid of a Big Black Man” in which Woods states that on his first day at school as a 5-year-old he was attacked by sixth graders who tied him to a tree, sprayed the “n” word and threw rocks at me.

Reporters for the first time in months get five-minute interviews as Tiger finally comes clean saying he’s done some pretty bad things. Tiger is hoping for a nice reception and a few claps when he returns to the Masters putting green. It’s still a private matter between him and Elin. He refused to discuss his ex-mistresses, but mentions his disgusting behavior. I’m sure if my dad was still living, he would find everything that I did extremely disappointing. Woods says it’s hard to believe that was me.

On April 5th Tiger gives his first lengthy press interview at the Masters in Augusta, GA on how he messed up. The world-famous golfer is looking forward to playing and competing. Woods talks about “self-help.” He feels bad missing his son’s birthday while in rehab. No, Elin will not be on The Masters putting green. Tiger has hired 90 private bodyguards just in case his ex-mistresses try to get on the scene shouting while he’s golfing. It will be a threesome while Tiger competes with other golf superstars like Choi and Kuchar.

The mighty Tiger Woods expects loyalty from his close friends and employees, but doesn’t follow traditional family values.

How can Tiger be a role model? He promoted himself as a down to earth family-man worth a billion bucks, then cheated on his wife and slept with other woman he wanted to f – - k. Now Woods is hoping his fans will cheer and clap their hands. What does this man stand for but a bunch of whores. Will this be his legacy?

Tiger just made another hit with his “dick.” Allegedly he laid a 22-year-old next door neighbor. Tiger’s got a “stiff dick for young chicks.”

Does this make you mad or sad? There’s a new Nike ad featuring the voice of Tiger’s late dad. Will sales spike for Nike?

Taunting banners meant for Woods fly high in the sky over Masters golf tournament.  Pissed ex-mistresses advertise “Did you mean Bootyism!” and “Sex Addict?  Yeah Right.  Sure. Me too!” These gals really got screwed.

Since Tiger lives on “Honor’s Way,” shouldn’t he have something nice to say then “You suck! Goddamnmit?”  He’s sure not making a hit with all his bullshit. Tiger doesn’t want the whores anymore.  He’d rather stick to Buddhism than Bootyism? Woods lost the U.S. Masters, but he still faces the disaster of  whores that want to score.

Here’s some more hot news from another whore. Tiger’s alleged ex-mistress, Jaimee Grubbs, a former reality TV star was the first to prove that Tiger screwed up when he f- – ked Jaimee.  Supposedly she sent scores of sexy text messages. The police arrested Grubbs, but it wasn’t for drugs. The 24-year-old LA cocktail waitress allegedly had been driving under an outstanding warrant for a suspended license when hauled off to jail.  Grubbs was released the next morning after posting a large sum of bail money.  Tiger’s alleged honey will be returning for a court hearing.

E! premiered the most interesting tidbits of Tiger Woods’ true life story and his rise to fame and glory.  It seems that when Tiger was in college his teammates called him “Urkel.”  Tiger felt it was racist and hurtful.

Woods next golf match will be at the Quails Hollow Championship starting April 26th.

A rowdy drunken heckler pissed off at Tiger is tasered and arrested on the Players Championship golf course.

Shucks! Tiger missed the fairways, putting greens and the cut.  Guess he had his mind on those sluts.

Elin has not been standing by her man as she ran away with the kids to Sweden.  Now Tiger has the chance to do some partying.

There’s now talk of a Cheating Celebrity Reality TV Show with Bombshell McGee Jesse’s alleged Nazi ex-mistress and Jamie Jungers Tiger’s alleged sexy ex-mistress.  The girls have both agreed to do it although they haven’t signed on the dotted line.

This should be on the book shelves the real Tiger story, his life in a new “tell-it-all” by Steve Helling journalist for People Magazine from 2002-2009 on Woods’ nasty car crash, rumors of partying and drinking to the alleged pursuits of sexcapades and cheating ways.  There’s a tiger on the prowl – meow!!

It’s official – Tiger quits The Players Championship after experiencing a bulging disc (dick).  Woods says he has a neck injury.  Probably a peck injury from those bitchy hoes.

Tiger Woods is back in the game and will be facing Phil Mickelson in Dublin, Ohio as the PGA Tour comes to the Jack Nicklaus Memorial Tournament.  It will be one of the biggest championship events.

Tiger’s rhythm shows a slight improvement at the Memorial, but he still lags behind Phil Mickelson.  Woods is off to the U.S. Open in two weeks at Pebble Beach.

For Tiger, it’s one disaster after another.  Now his swing coach, Hank Haney is quitting and Elin is heading to divorce court.  The wise Mrs. Tiger wants $750 million which supposedly adds up to every whore who was willing to give Tiger sex thrills.  Elin Nordegren is also asking for full custody of their two children, Sam and Charlie.  Was all this worth Tiger’s partying?

Woods had a rough weekend at Pebble Beach.  He lost the golf tournament when Northern Ireland’s Graeme McDowell shot  a 3-over 74 to win the U.S. Open.  NBC got a boost for the best peacock ratings.

Tiger and Elin have parted their separate ways after a bitter sweet divorce settlement was finalized in Panama City’s Bay County Circuit Court after trying to patch things up.  Tiger supposedly offered Elin $100 million to keep her mouth shut with a signed confidentiality clause plus the two children and child custody money.  Woods’ income has decreased to $600 million due this lost endorsements.  The two have nothing to weep about since Tiger keeps the  beautiful Jupiter, Florida Mansion and Elin gets the lsleworth home in Orlando.  Now that Nordegrin  is single she maybe returning permanently to Sweden.  Terms of the divorce were not revealed with the exception that Tiger and Elin will share parenting of their 3-year old daughter, Sam and 19-month-old son, Charlie.  The couple were married in October, 2004 on the island of Barbados.

In a news interview Tiger said he was sad and felt bad, but wanted to wish Elin the best of everything.  He apologized for all his wrongdoings.  Elin remarked how she could never trust Tiger again for he was a serial cheater.

Tiger has been struggling while going through divorce proceedings.  He was not at all pleased with the way Ireland’s media interrogated him about his sex scandal and other personal questions so he canceled the Scotland trip to practice for the British Golf Championship.

Is Tiger trying to impress the ladies with his new goatee?  Sad Tiger can’t seem to get his act together at Ohio’s Bridgestone Invitational.

Woods has another bout with his fowl mouth.  He missed four putts and yells out “fuck” at the British Open Championship. Tiger is having a rough season on the course ever since his divorce.  Now that he’s a single man Woods needs to play a good game at Barclays.  If he’s lucky to win its off to the Ryder Cup

Now for some good stuff.  Trump dumps Tiger’s first ex-mistress, Rachel Uchitel from Celebrity Apprentice after hearing about her alcohol and pill addiction. The porn star whore is now co-starring in Celebrity Rehab 4.  This 34-year-old sex addict decided to quit due to the stress she endured as Tiger’s mistress.  Producers have convinced Rachel to return to the show for after all fortune and fame is the name of the game.

Silence is golden as Rachel says she still loves Tiger who paid her $10 million.  He might have shut her trap, but she wants him back.  His ex-wife who went through hell got a lot more than the whore.  Elin Nordegren has decided to stay in the U.S. with her two children and not return to Sweden.

Looks like Tiger went from sad to glad as he’s purchased a  NYC lower Manhattan bachelor pad.  He’s taken out a $54 million dollar mortgage for his fashionable Jupiter mega mansion.

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Shame Shame on Jesse James

Jesse James, designer of custom-made bikes, cars and a Reality TV star took his wife, Sandra Bullock for the worst ride of her life. Sandy, always protect your blind side something you should have learned from the movie.

This Nazi hottie tattoo model and stripper-dominatrix Michelle McGee allegedly had an 11-month affair with Jesse. While Sandy was filming “The Blind Side,” Jesse took Michelle for a hump ride. She thought he was separated from Sandy.  McGee has issued a sincere apology to Sandy via Australian TV.

Apparently Michelle hasn’t seen Jesse since the news of their love affair. Michelle claims James was “Mr. Nice Guy.” As far as Sandy is concerned he cheated and lied.

Jesse has apologized, but Sandy has made up her mind. She’s packed her things and is determined to never go back to Jesse. Sandy is looking for a celebrity divorce attorney and possibility custody rights to Jesse’s daughter, Sunny.

Shame on Jesse James for philandering around the town. It’s no secret that he cheated. Stop by and ask the employees at his Long Beach motorcycle shop. Jesse allegedly slept with 11 other women since 2005 when he married Sandy and one of his lady friends had a baby.

James posted ads over the Internet looking for sex. Jesse had a “stiff dick for biker chicks” with tattoos and big boobs. James claims he’s a distant relative of the most notorious outlaw of the 19th century the bank, train robber and murderer from Missouri, Jesse Woodson James who roamed the western plains.

Jesse was married for a few years to a porn star before getting hitched to Sandy. James was recently awarded custody of his 6-year-old daughter, Sunny and Sandy stood by him through thick and thin.

Now there’s another mistress that just popped out of the closet. It’s Melissa Smith and she wasn’t invited to his biker shop for tea and biscuits. Smith and James allegedly had a wild two-year relationship.

Here’s some more shit how Jesse tried to make a hit with hottie Los Angeles photographer Brigitte Daguerre, his third mistress. He hired cute Brigitte to do a photo shoot. It seems Jesse sent Brigitte a lot of spicy sexy texts. The messages are up for sale if the price is right. Brigitte did not find Jesse sexy.

Now Brigitte is stating that Jesse never wore his wedding ring. Does Brigitte mean when they were screwing? The alleged #3 mistress has deep regrets over her sexual behavior with Jesse, but has no intention on making any money even though Brigitte had a few offers to sell her story. She regrets the entire mess. Brigitte says that most of the stories are untrue. Poor, poor Brigitte must have the blues. Jesse never gave her anything, a home or money.

Jesse allegedly is worth $100 million and so is Sandy. Jesse doesn’t really need Sandy’s money. James claims he’s going to wise up like Tiger and has entered a 45-day rehab facility for his sexual desires. Sandy has no intentions on saving their marriage so Jesse has left the rehab facility. Of course James claims it was because of privacy and security.

There has been a lot of gossip that Sandy and Jesse made a Nazi sexy tape filled with profanity. No way says Sandy.

Since all this publicity Jesse has been stalked by a celebrity photographer. Jesse fought back and might have to go to court.

Jesse’s three children have been living with Sandy in seclusion away from the limelight and paparazzi.

The comedian George Lopez has been seen visiting Sandy at her Hollywood Hills home ever since Jesse’s hanky-panky.  George and Sandy are “palsy-walsy.”  Sandy helped George get his first big break.  Lopez thinks Sandy is just great.

It’s the first time in over a month that Sandy has been seen out in public taking a hike without her hubby, Jesse on his motor bike.  Just enjoying the fresh air and scenery.  She wasn’t wearing her beautiful French platinum wedding ring.  Neither was Jesse wearing his ring when spotted at the rehab facility.

Melissa Smith, Jesse James’ alleged mistress, his #2 screw, sent an apologetic fax to Sandy taking full responsibility for her sexual activity with Jesse.

Sandy has filed papers for divorce proceedings.  She’s experiencing the Jesse blues, but here’s the good news.  Several months ago Sandy and Jesse adopted a cute sweet African American baby, 3 1/2 month old boy named Louis Bardo who Sandy says will bring her lots of joy.  They gave the little boy a bris even though he’s not Jewish.  Neither is Sandra Bullock who apparently is a born-again Christian.

The word is out that Sandy and Jesse are selling their two-story 3,500-square-foot Southern California beach-front house.  It’s on the market as a private listing for around $6 million.  Interested parties will need to pre-qualify.  Sandy and her newly-adopted baby boy are living in a 1860s New Orleans mansion in the rich Garden District.

Jesse says he’s distraught – Wanted to get caught.  He was leading a double life, was not true to his children and wants to be forgiven for cheating on his wife.  Jesse will be appearing on national TV looking for sympathy.

Sandy gives her opinion of Elin Nordegren.  I’d get the baseball bat and keep hitting the dirty rat.

Sandra Bullock stuns everyone all decked out in a tight sexy black leather dress.  She receives a standing ovation and lots of cheers making her first public appearance at the Spike TV’s “Guys Choice” awards since splitting up with Jesse and adopting  a baby.  The Oscar winning actress was there to accept the “Troopers Choice” Award for entertainer of the year from members of the military.

Sandy picks up another trophy at the MTV Movie Awards ending the evening by grabbing 25-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson and starts smooching.  The two actresses discussed the idea with producers.

Jesse James fights with ex-wife, Janine Lindemulder who was planning to see their daughter, Sunny before Father’s Day.  No way says Jesse since the court ruled that a monitor be present he will not give Sunny to Janine today.

Sandy is now the happy divorcee while Jesse’s life has been turned upside down since the judge has ruled he will have to share Sunny with his ex-wife.

This time Jesse is not the brute in a civil lawsuit filed against him by a clothing company.  Jesse was smart to cut a deal with Walmart.  In the end he had to pay the clothing company, but the jury awarded him $6 million.

Lately Sandy has been fighting a crazy stalker and got a restraining order.  Sandy wants to spend time with her stepchildren and family.  She has donated millions to charities like Hurricane Katrina, Haiti and Tsunami victims.

Jesse is once again on the scene dating TLC’s “L.A. Ink” tattoo artist and star, Kat Von D.  This Kat doesn’t scratch.

It should be no surprise that Jesse and Sandy have moved on with their lives.  Jesse has settled in Austin, Texas and so has Sandy as she wants to be closely involved with his kids.  The decision was made long before Jesse was cheating.

* * * * * *

To cheat and lie is against all rules. Fools drown when they become the public clown. You’re caught in a nasty trap and wind up dead or the stupid sap. The price for a piece of tail could land you in jail. The public’s view is important to you.

It’s always wise to apologize. Stand up to the bitter disgrace and admit your wrongdoing because sooner or later the other party might sue you. Are court proceedings worth your family’s pain and shame? In a civil lawsuit the dame has to reveal her name. She obviously will receive media fame.

If a woman cheats she’s a sneak, but when a man cheats he’s a “low-down” creep. Beware of that extramarital affair. You may never repair your marriage from the damage and despair. The biggest fear is your good reputation and the end to a wonderful career. Think twice before getting into bed with that brunette, blonde or redhead.

© Copyright 2010

Lyrics created by (Francke) the Yankee

aka The Jester from Westchester (Satire)

All Rights Reserved

(Inspired by politicians and other famous names in the cheating game)

Cheats try to be discreet, but in the end it never works for these jerks! Someone always gets hurt.

“HOT AND COOL” JESTER JOKES

(Jesters poke fun at anyone)

* * * * * *

HA-HA SEXY GAGA JOKES

Ooo-La-La Gaga would bend over backwards.  She’ll do anything to help her “little monsters.”

Goo-Goo Gaga exposes her breasts on boob tube.

You can play with Gaga’s pumpkins anytime.

A “little monster” fan kept abreast of Gaga.

Lady Gaga sure has a pair of balls – She dresses up as a man then shows her fanny.

Gaga’s boyfriend screws up.

Gaga was Alejandro’s ho in Mexico.

Roberto and Fernando didn’t give a “f – - k” about Lady Luck.

Lady Gaga had an orgy with Alejandro, Roberto and Fernando.

The lady loves Dick.

This blonde chick likes to ride his disco stick.

Dick got into Gaga’s box.

Dick sucked Gaga’s lollipops.

Paparazzi shoots Gaga’s pretty pussy.

Gaga thinks Hitler’s dad was a papa nazi.

Guys like Gaga’s sweet rah meat.

Gaga loves to eat hot sausages.

What gets Lady Gaga mad?  When she’s f – - -ked up.

Bought a Lady Gaga doll so I can “Poker Face.”

How did Lady Gaga get her name?  Guys thought she was a crazy lady.

Why did Gaga break up with her boyfriend Speedy?  He turned out to be a “slow-moving” guy.

Gaga loves her new boyfriend Luc ’cause he doesn’t “f – - k” up.

TIGER “DIRTY” JOKES

The great “American-Prenup” – What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine. Tiger’s fate when he pulled down his drawers and scored.

Hey Moe! What Joe? Did you hear Tiger was “teed off” that his balls got stuck in some holes.

Say Harry what do you think about “shirtless” Tiger? Burt, he’s got a hairy belly and hairy nipples. When Tiger gets sexy with the girls it must tickle.

Tiger is a “con artist” Harry. How’s that Burt? He had multiple sex partners and didn’t use condoms. Maybe that should be Woods next sponsor Harry.

You know Harry, “shirtless” Woods should get into the entertainment business. Like what Burt? If he could “rap n da hood.”

Hey Harry – What Burt? Well Tiger finally made his “2010″ New Year’s Resolution. And what’s that Burt? Just putt and don’t “f – - K” up.

Burt, did you hear the latest? No Harry. They say this cigar company is offering a $100,000 “smoking deal” to mighty Tiger. But Burt, shouldn’t Tiger be interested in promoting his hot “sex appeal?”

Say Moe! What Joe? What do you think gives Tiger more satisfaction, the golf course or intercourse? When his balls go into the holes Joe.

Moe, “How did Tiger score?” Joe, “When Tiger roared along came more blonde whores.”

Hey Moe, did you know Tiger’s real first name is “Eldrick?” No Joe. Come to think of it Eldrick rhymes with “p _ _ _ k.”

Say Harry. What Burt? Did you hear where Tiger’s nuts got stuck in a slut? Guess Tiger likes to “f – - k” rough Burt.

Hey Burt! How did Tiger screw up? By lying down Harry.

Hey Moe! What Joe? I wonder if sluts know how to putt? Joe, you just have to put your balls out.

In 2009 Tiger had a great time. He allegedly scored with “14″ whores. Tiger, the golf pro who knows how to get his balls into the every hole.

What do you know Moe, Tiger returns to the putting green in the Spring. Tiger finally got over those sex flings Joe? Tiger took lessons in sexual behavior at this rehab facility. Now he knows where his balls should go.

Well Moe did you hear the latest? No, Joe. The rehab facility showed Tiger how to avoid getting his balls “stuck in those holes.”

Joe, I heard Elin is taking back Tiger. Now that’s a “hole-in-one” Moe.

Did you hear Joe? What Moe? Tiger can’t wait to put his balls out on the course. What a sight that will be on the putting green.

Say Moe. What Joe? I wonder why PGA officials have kept their mouth shut about Tiger’s sluts. Moe, obviously the PGA doesn’t care what Tiger had to say as long as he plays. After all it all boils down to how Tiger positions his balls.

Well if this isn’t something Joe. What is it Moe? “Tiger Paws” draw customers to this new sensational iPhone application. It could have been neat for cheats like Tiger Woods. There’s a prompt that deletes those embarrassing text sex messages. Cover your tracks – Wife or girlfriend can’t claw back.

I heard Tiger is back home in Orlando Joe. Moe, he’s into his old routine of exercising and playing with his balls on the putting green.

Hey Moe did you know that Tiger’s alleged ex-mistress, famed porn star Joslyn James showed up at an Oscar party? The ho obviously needs the dough.

Joe, did you hear the latest news. What’s that Moe? Tiger is practicing for the U.S. Masters in April. Now the public can finally view what his balls can do.

Now this is going to be something Joe. Yeah Moe. Comcast for the first time will be broadcasting the Masters in 3D and over the Internet. Think of the millions of lucky subscribers who are going to see Tiger’s balls pop out in 3D.

This just came in Moe. Tiger announced he’s excited to get back to golf and play with his balls. He’s just wondering what the public’s reaction will be.

Hey Joe, I hear Joslyn James is planning to be at Tiger’s Master’s grand opening. Isn’t she something Moe? I’ll bet she’ll yell, “Tiger you can put your balls in my hole.”

Moe, Tiger needs a lesson in good manners. He should not have said, “Goddamnit, you suck!” Tiger probably meant to say as those nasty plane banners flew by “Shucks! I miss those sluts.”

Joe, do you know the difference between Buddhism and Bootyism?  A good screw.

Moe, I heard Trojan condoms wants to be Tiger’s new sponsor with a company slogan  “Protect Your Peck.”

Hey Joe, Tiger missed the cut at Quail Hollow tournament.  Guess he had his mind on those sluts Moe.

Did you hear Tiger say he had a neck injury Moe?  I thought it would be a peck injury from those “hoes” Joe.

Hey Burt!  Did you hear the latest dirt?  What is it Harry?  Tiger just came out with a new sex game.  It’s called “Cheetah Repeater.”

Harry, I heard Tiger did not win the U.S. Open.  Burt, his balls were too big for the holes.

Hey Joe! What is it Moe?  Heard Tiger switched from eating breakfast at Perkins Restaurant to Hooters as the gals are a lot cuter.  His favorite dish is grits and “hot sausages.”  Tiger likes when the waitresses take a bite.

I’ll betcha Moe now that Tiger is divorced he can’t wait to get his paws around those whores.

Look who’s coming to Celebrity Rehab 4 Joe.  Tiger’s #1 bang, Rachel Uchitel.  This slut wants big bucks – It sure pays to f – - k.  Now she’ll get paid as a celebrity just for whoring around the town.

Can Tiger’s new goatee tickle a pussy?

Harry – What Burt?  Now that Tiger is divorced he can bang any whore.  Maybe they don’t want him anymore.  I heard he’s cheap and nasty.  The guy has no class when it comes to a piece of ass.

ECONOMIC  COMEDY

By the way Harry, is it “Stimulus” (or) “Stimuless?” I’m not sure Burt – I think the government wants to confuse us.

What is a U.S. recession? “Time off from work with no perks.”

What is global recession? “The World Stands Still.”

What is a depression? “Soup lines in tasty varieties.”

They fired me because I couldn’t afford the company’s health insurance. Then the IRS gave me a hefty penalty. Now I’m really sick from Obama’s stupid politics.

Did you hear the latest news Moe? No, Joe. Well, in order to pass the Health Care bill they say “Uncle Sam” needs more revenue – He wants to tax the banks, the rich and private health care plans. Joe, who the heck is Sam? Moe, he must be somebody’s uncle on Capitol Hill.

Moe, what do you think about employees “working for free?” Joe, at least they have a job. But Moe, the boss wants to furlough his employees with no money. Joe, you know money isn’t everything.

My company is having a “wage freeze.”  That sounds like a cool idea.

In this lousy economy, who says “money isn’t everything?” It buys food, clothing and housing. Well, we could eat leaves off the trees, become nudists and rent tents.

Why is money tight? Did you ever try to stretch a dollar?

I came home one day to find my house was gone. The government removed it from my lawn. What on earth went wrong? They discontinued “Cash for Clunkers Home Program.”

I can’t figure out how Obama got into office. Here’s a guy who doesn’t know how to connect dots.

Obama’s policies add up to nothing but loose change.

President Obama’s future announcement to the American people. “You have nothing to fear my fellow Americans, but somehow the terrorists attacked us.” The buck stops with me. I take the blame. There’s not one person in my cabinet that’s a “lamebrain.”

Recent poll shows the President’s approval ratings have significantly dropped. Obama plans his strategy by moving the White House office to his vacation spot in Hawaii. He’s hoping to convince the American people that nicer views can improve his radical policies.

Are you a Democrat or a Republican? I’m an independent thinker. Oh, you’re one of those.

I heard the dollar was worthless in some foreign countries. Americans are trying to buy the Japanese Yen with Sen-Sen.

What did you think about Sen. Harry Reid’s racial Obama remarks? I thought Reid was a “wise white guy.”

Harry Reid tried to get special pork deals in Nevada, but his Democratic cronies don’t like baloney.

Go figure this one out Burt. Terrorists can now plead “not guilty.” They’ve got rights like you and me Harry? Burt, this is democracy.

Burt, do you know why Nancy Pelosi was elected “Speaker of the House?” She’s smart Harry. No Burt – Members of the House of Representatives say she’s a “loudmouth.”

Moe, did you see Harry Reid yawning at Obama’s “State of the Union” address? Joe, Reid looked like he was bored to death. I’m surprised other Democrats didn’t take a nap.

Joe, did you notice Pelosi constantly getting up. It must be hard for her to sit on her can. Don’t they call that “clap mania?” She must have that disease Joe. No, she just likes to clap Moe.

Obama promises “bipartisan” as long as Republicans don’t oppose him.

Obama is not taking any chances. His new flight rules before boarding Air Force One – All secret service agents will have to go through body and hand scanners.

Obama was against the war. Now he’s following the Bush policies. Quite a few displeased Democrats are retiring and stating: Obama, “Yes We Can.” Frankly, we don’t give a damn.

Obama is outrageous in Vegas! His new economic policy will stop change coming out of slot machines. He says, this is a good step in the right direction for people to start saving their money.

At a special news conference President Obama tells the American people, “It’s my way or the highway.” Some Democrats are seen leaving Washington via the expressway.

Obama caught “lip-syncing” while giving a speech. The Prez says it only appeared to be “lip-syncing.” Actually I was falling asleep. Just ask Nancy Pelosi – She’ll vouch for me.

Here’s the latest political news. The tea party has turned into a coffee clutch. No more bagels and tea. It’s donuts and coffee.

Sex change operations should be covered under the new Health-Care bill. Remember Obama’s campaign promise, “Change We Can Believe In.”

Obama to Biden – Get Real! You’re no f – - kin’ deal.

Peek-a-boo – Obamacare has surprises for you. Democrat staffers who wrote the bill and the President are exempt from the new health care plan. We are “privileged” not like the rest of you. This does not mean American citizens are being discriminated against.  Everyone has constitutional rights.

Obama says I’m not a “Socialist.”  Just trying to nationalize the banks, health care, Wall Street (financial reform) and private industry.  Government control to cure America’s woes.  That’s why the people voted for me so I could change the entire country.

Obama takes a stand on senior staffers at the SEC who were caught watching pornography.  These guys work hard enough – They’re entitled to some good stuff.

President Obama wants the American people to know that no one from his administration bribes anyone.  It’s the other way around, they bribe us.

Nancy Pelosi can’t seem to keep her big mouth shut as she speaks on “Health Care.”  Protestors screamed and began to throw things, but Nancy refused to stop talking.  The mean bitch just kept slamming her gavel stick!

BP CEO Tony Hayward accepts President Obama’s invitation to the White House with one exception, he prefers tea and scones to beer and pretzels.

Nero played his fiddle while Rome was burning – Why can’t Obama go golfing and BP CEO big shot Tony Hayward go yacht clubbing as oil continues to spill?

The Prez says, “I’m not concerned about job losses – unemployment benefits should fix it.  The economy and BP worries me.”

President Obama says he knows what the average American Joe is going through for his family is also experiencing hard times.  He’s cut down on expenses and taking his wife and children on vacation to Martha’s Vineyard in August.

Tony Hayward is finally getting his life back – BP is shipping him to Siberia.

Obama goes on “The View” not knowing the latest news.  When asked who “Snookie” was he just smiled and shrugged.  Who doesn’t know the “Jersey Shore” show.  He certainly was unprepared.  It leaves one wondering does Obama know what’s really happening to our economy.

This went down in history – Marie Antoinette, Queen of France danced around the Palace of Versailles.  When told the citizens have no bread she said “Let them eat cake.”  Michelle Obama sees fit to go on a luxurious trip to Spain at a time when people are living off of food stamps, out of work, a bad economy, no money.  Marie Antoinette was not thinking of the people and neither is Michelle Obama.  Why Spain and not the U.S.?  Spending in our country keeps the economy rolling.  Marie Antoinette was beheaded while Michelle Obama remains a featherbrain.

GHOST JOKES

You’re as dark as that sheet. I’m a black ghost who scares people from coast to coast.

You’re as white as a sheet. I’m a scary ghost who only scares people from house to house.

Oh, I’m shivering! You must be afraid of us. No, I’m just cold.

By the way, I never knew there were two different ghosts.

Ghosts don’t discriminate against white or black folks.

Well how come you’re such small ghosts? If you like us we come in different sizes. Small, medium or large.

Do you have skeletons in your closets? No, only bones around our homes.

You certainly are eerie. No, we’re just scary.

Do you know any ghostly tales? Only spooky stories.

Can you tell me a few? Go to the library – Stop bothering us.

VALENTINE JOKES

One guy says to another guy. “My wife is an angel.” The other guy replies, “My wife is the devil.” How do you know? She doesn’t have a pair of wings.

I see you’re all dressed up in red for “Valentine’s Day.” It’s the only way Fred will be able to recognize me as I just had plastic surgery.

You gave me a box of hollow chocolates. I thought they’d be easier to swallow.

This heart locket has another girl’s picture in it. Oh! I gave you the wrong locket.

The red roses you sent were wilted. It feels like I’ve been jilted. Honey, how can I make it up to you? By giving me a good Valentine screw.

BUNNY HOPPIN’ JOKES

Why do bunnies have large ears? Because they like to eat ears of corn.

What did one bunny say to another bunny? See if you can hop over me.

A bunny was hungry and decided to stop at IHOP.

Energizer bunny arrested for fraudulent cell phone charges.

How does a rabbit comb his fur? With a soft harebrush.

Two bunnies caressing in a vegetable garden. Lettuce love.

When a bunny has a fever – It’s a “hot bunny.”

One rabbit said to another rabbit – Can you hare me?

He’s a good egg – Always cracking jokes.

Before you put all your eggs into one basket – Make sure you know the eggsact total.

Easter egg cracked from too much pressure.

An egg said something funny to another egg who replied, “You crack me up!” Now my thoughts are scrambled.

Look! It’s a hoppy bunny.

This bunny got into a very “harey” situation.

What’s two drunken bunnies in a card game? “Gin Rummy Bunnies.”

Easter eggs don’t discriminate – They come in white and colors.

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR’S JOKES

Harry, what are you doing for New Year’s eve? Burt, It’s just gonna be Eve and me celebrating.

Why was Santa mad at the elves? For not taking the toys off the shelves.

What did Jolly Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve? It’s time for me to “rap in the sack.”

Every time I want to be with you for the holidays you always get “cold feet.” How do you know I’ve got “cold feet?” – You’ve never slept with me. Sorry, I mIxed you up with someone else.

What did a Christmas tree say to the Hanukkah bush? How come they didn’t cut you down – You’re still rooted in the ground? The Jewish bush replied, “Well that’s what you get for being a Scotch pine.”

How do polar bears make love at the North Pole? “Cuddly Bear Hugs.”

When Santa cuddled up to Mrs. Claus what did he say? “Kriss Me Baby.”

Jack Frost and Frosty the Snowman got into a snowball fight. Eventually they both agreed, “Let’s chill out.”

Why did Santa have sleigh trouble? Because his reindeer forgot to put on their fur coats.

What do elves hate to bake? Shortening bread.

What did one elf say to another elf? “Elf Me Baby.”

If anybody knows how to give a good “Snow Job,” it’s you. Hey, I never shoveled snow in my life.

What’s the story behind Rudolph the reindeer with a “red nose?” One snowy day Rudolph stayed too long in the cold and his nose froze.

Why does Jolly Santa say “ho, ho, ho?” He’s not allowed to say “ha, ha, ha.” When you live in the North Pole there are Christmas restrictions. So why doesn’t Santa move to the South Pole? Because Santa is too fat and too old.

Will Santa stop by my house? Only If you have a chimney. Well we don’t have a fireplace. Why can’t he come to the front door? That’s not the way he makes deliveries. I’m gonna be pissed if I don’t get my gifts from Santa for Christmas!

For girls who are naughty or nice – Santa knows how to spice up your life.

CRAZY JOKES FOR NUTTY FOLKS

He has a chip on his shoulder.  Why doesn’t he take it off?

You look like a smart alec.  No, I’m joe schmoe.

The boss gave him a “pink slip.”  Maybe he’s gay.

I like fast food.  I prefer slow cookin’.

You’re as cool as a cucumber.  I can be a “Hot Tamale.”

How do you know he’s “Mr. Right?”  Because he’s never wrong.

You’re a “Peeping Tom.”  My name is Joe.

I got a ticket for Jaywalking.  How come Jay didn’t get a ticket?

You are what you eat.  Is that why you’re so fat?

It takes two to tango.  I don’t know how to dance.

I’m returning the car.  Why?  It’s a lemon.  I thought yellow was your favorite color.

Are you on the graveyard shift?  I don’t work at a cemetery.

He lost his head over you.  Did he find it?  No, he’s still searching.

Pardon my French.  Excuse my dirty English.

You’re barking up the wrong tree.  How do you know it’s not the right tree?

I have a Charley horse.  Well my horse is named Eddie.

Lend me an ear.  Only if you return it.

That’s the last straw.  No it’s not – I got another box.

Curiosity killed the cat.  Do we know what killed the dog?

I walked a crooked mile.  You must be dizzy.

I’m on pins and needles.  That must hurt.

Do you have a circle of friends?  No, most of my friends are square.

You’re a busybody.  That’s what the guys tell me.

They’re gonna roast you at the party.  Who’s cookin’ me?

How do you feel?  With my hands.

Was that car expensive?  It cost me an arm and a leg.

Put your best foot forward.  Which one?  They both look alike.

Are you awake?  No! I’m sleeping.  Then how can you be talking to me?  I talk in my sleep.

I just got up from this horrible nightmare.  What was the dream about? “You!”

Is “Holy Shit!” sacred?  If God blessed it.

Can you lend me a hand?  Which one do you want the right or the left?

Do you pass gas?  I certainly do – Every time I pass the gas station.

You’re always talking dirty.  I can talk clean.  Just have to wash my mouth with listerine.

Either you’re stupid or smart.  There’s no in between.  What about half-wit?

Why do priests like to eat swiss cheese?  Because it’s holy.

I’m leading a double life.  Really!  I have a twin sister.

Who was that girl you took out last night?  I couldn’t tell, she was my blind date.

You can kiss my ass.  I’ve never kissed a donkey.

It’s either my way or the highway.  I’m taking a different route.

Can you crack a joke?  Sure, why not – I can break it apart.

Are you in the dog house?  No, I’m in the cat house.

Laughed my head off.  I knew there was something different about you.

What kind of nuts do you enjoy?  Starts with the letter “p” – Like “pen- -?

I lost my memory.  I’ll help you find it.

You’re always screwing around.  Is there a better way to do it?  Yeah! Up and down.

Misery loves company.  Don’t invite me.

You’re a “crackpot.”  I’m no drug addict.

Time on your hands?  Wipe it off.

Stupidity runs in your family.  It does not – I’m the only stupid one.

I’m the census taker.  Are you an African, Caucasian or Hindu?  Can’t you tell just by looking at me?

You have a big heart.  How would you know – You’re not a doctor.

You’re killing me!  I never touched you.

You got a “poker face.” I guess it shows how much I love playing poker.

Man, you’re full of shit!  I am full of shit especially when I take your crap.

Is your house in “apple-pie order?” I don’t buy apple pies.

You’ve got egg all over your face. I just ate breakfast.

You’re a hog. Do I look like a pig? You really want to know?

Let’s shoot the breeze. How could I shoot the breeze? I don’t own a gun.

Have you saved for a rainy day? It never rains where I live.

You look like “Plain Jane.” How did you know my name?

Put up or shut up! Hey, enough is enough. I can’t put up with you continuously telling me to shut up.

You’ve got to have the last word. No, I don’t. See – There you go again!

You can’t have your cake and eat it too! I just ate a delicious chocolate cake.

I’m in a hole. Here’s a shovel – Go dig yourself out.

Moe, leave no stone unturned. Joe, do you know how many stones there are in this world?

Holy cow! I didn’t know there were religious cows – God bless the animals.

You’re a real pig. Is there a fake one?

You have a forked tongue. Oh yeah! You have a spoon tongue. What the heck is a spoon tongue? Not as sharp as a fork.

Don’t cry over spilled milk – It could have been imported wine.

I need some “shut-eye.”  What about the other eye?

Get out of my face.  How the heck did I get in there?

I don’t like you hanging around me all the time. How does a few seconds appeal to you?

Eat those words! Do they taste good?

I got up this morning on the wrong side of the bed. What do you mean? It wasn’t the right side.

You electrify me. Really? I’m shocked.

Don’t be stupid all your life – Half is enough.

You’re a riot! Where’s the crowd?

You smell funny. That must be my cooking honey.

Oh go ahead and tickle me. Why? I want to see if I’m awake.

Moe, I betcha you didn’t know that God mends all souls? Joe, maybe I can give God my shoes to fix ’cause my soles got holes.

Who are those funny looking people? That’s your family.

You’re full of baloney! How did you know what I just ate?

I’m tired of you! Oh go to sleep and count sheep.

I’m special. Oh Yeah! What makes you so special? There’s nobody in the world like me. You ain’t kidding.

Show me yours – I’ll show you mine. No way, I’ve got a secret opening. Really? You need a key to my kingdom. There’s no other way to get in. Well, I know how to make a hole.

You’re pathetic! I’m just getting started.

The “grass is greener on the other side.” There is no grass on this side.

How stupid can you be? You’d be surprised!

You’re “nutty as a fruit cake.” When did you ever taste a nutty fruit cake? “I never ate one – I’m just not crazy about nuts.”

Asked this guy if he wanted to buy the Brooklyn Bridge. He replied, I got a “steel of a deal” for George Washington’s Bridge. By the way, which side did he buy, New York or New Jersey?

You’re dead wrong. That’s not true. I’m still alive – So I’m right!

You caught my eye. Want it back? No, that’s just my spare. “I see.”

When climbing the ladder to success – Make sure it’s sturdy!

“Who died and made you boss?” God! You can’t be serious? Why not, I got good connections.

Hey Moe, what do you think about living on the moon? Joe, what bothers me is that I won’t run into anyone I know.

You’re all washed up.  No, I’m not.  I forgot to take a shower.

THANKSGIVING JOKES

Two turkeys stitched together. “I’m stuck on you.”

“Turkey slams the Ham” – Stop being a hog!

“Ham slams the Turkey” – I’ve had enough of your “gobble-gobble.”

“Turkey Snitch” Hey Mom! Tom got into the hen house.

“Turkey Talk” Let’s make love before they stuff and cook us in the oven. What should we do? You can play with my drumstick while I caress your breast.

HALLOWEEN JOKES

Look! It’s a scary scarecrow. Stay away from my hay!

“Pumpkin Eater” It’s nice to meet a cute orange fruit. Can we bump pumpkins? As long as you don’t make a hole in my face.

One pumpkin to another pumpkin – Heard there’s a shortage of pumpkins this year. Boy, do I hate to be minced in a pinch.

This pumpkin complains to another pumpkin – I’m all dried up. Please help me! Here, you can have my “juicy fruit.” Gosh, I hope you don’t shrivel up. Don’t worry, I’ve been around long enough.

CLEAN & DIRTY JOKES FOR PLAIN FOLKS

It’s a “Cock and Bull” story.”  I just want to know what happened to the “Cock?”

Would you rather eat or have sex?  I can do both.  “Pussy Eating.”

Do you like Tom, Dick or Harry?  I prefer Dick.

Do you know how to  grind?  Sure do – That’s where I put my meat into.

I live in the red light district.  Where’s that?  “Little Whore on the Prairie.”

What’s a word that rhymes with duck?

Do you live in the city?  No, I’m just a cuntry girl.

What’s been eating you lately?  My boyfriend.

I’m in like Flynn.  Flynn never got in.

This guy really turned me off.  Let me show you how I can turn you on.

I’d bend over backwards.  That’s my favorite position.

How does Dick and Jane have fun?  Jane plays with Dick.

Have you lost all your marbles?  No, I still have two balls.

Former VP Al Gore denies Portland masseuse played with his cocker, a hot dog.

Do you eat dates?  I sure do – Eat everyone of my girlfriends I take out on a date.

Stop pulling my leg.  I thought it was that other thing in between.

I’m looking for a snow job.  We only do blow jobs.

Meg, you’re like a chicken without a head.  Ken, you’re like a hen without a pecker.

Cat got your tongue? I don’t have a pussy.

I can’t stomach you. Then kiss my ass.

I’ll be Jack – You be Jill – I’ll show you how to get up the hill.

I would love to have sex with you. Sorry, but I’m booked till next year.

Have you seen my “shtick?” I don’t like dirty talk. I said my “shtick” not my “p _ _ _ k.”

You’re a joke. You’re a bigger joke. How big is that?

What’s a “cool Italiano?” Italian ices.

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. You never told me anything a thousand times. You know what your problem is? What? You can’t count!

I’m turning over a new leaf. What happened to the old leaf? It withered away one autumn day.

Why are you in the insane asylum? They say I wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe they would have put me in a different place if I had crooked thoughts. What do you think? You’re not all there. That’s incorrect – I am here.

Do you believe in love at first fright? I don’t mind her screaming ever now and then.

Where can I find a hooker? Just go to “Craigslist.”

Are your neighbors a “pain in the ass?” – Haunt them to death.

The secret to a happy marriage. Don’t screw up!

I used to have a different life. Where was that? In a different world.

You don’t have to shout, I can hear you. But I can’t hear you!

I’ll keep an eye out for you. What’s the other eye going to do?

You have one blue eye and one brown eye. They give me a better view on life.

You look French. Really? You don’t look like an American.

I’d like a new life. This one isn’t working for me. Here’s your refund.

You don’t have a leg to stand on. Oh yes I do. See my false one.

Pardon my back. Excuse my front. What about sides?

I’m mad about you. Don’t come near me. You’re crazy!

Your dog barks all day long. Okay, I’ll reverse it – He’ll bark all night long.

A penny for your thoughts. Boy, are you cheap!

You’re not too bright. Gosh! I forgot to turn my lights on.

All you do is gossip. What else is there to do? Shut up and screw.

Life is the same old thing every day – Living and breathing!

I can’t stand you. Then sit down. Maybe you’ll feel differently about me.

You’re a soda jerk. You just hurt my feelings.

You’ll die laughing after you hear this joke. I’m not listening, I’d rather live.

You rub me the wrong way. I’ll show you how to rub me the right way.

Do you want to tell a clean joke? Then wash your mouth with soap.

Dirty jokes arouse the old folks.

Dopes tell stupid jokes.

This is cool! Good Humor jokes told by the ice cream man.

This is hot! Why is sex the best? “Saks” Fifth Avenue department store where shoppers get more.

Kopy and paste your date. Now you have a lifetime mate.

Experience is the best teacher. The teacher was my best experience.

This is a really dirty joke folks. Some kid was shoved into a pile of mud.

Mister, can ya spare a dime? If I had money, I would sit up all night counting it.

What happens to money when you put it in the fridge? “Frozen Assets.”

I need money in a hurry – Make sure it’s all in one dollar bills.

Are you for real? No, I’m fake.

When opportunity knocks open the door – It could be a whore! What more could one ask for? Two whores!

Are you stupid or smart? Let me think about this for a while.

I’m over the hill. It’s too far for me to walk.

I’ve fallen for you. Can I help you get up?

I screwed up. Really? I screw lying down.

You don’t have your head on straight. I didn’t realize it was on crooked.

Never met a person I didn’t like, except you.

I’m blue over you. I thought you looked a little off-color.

I can’t stop laughing. What’s so funny? I hit my funny bone.

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, what is a body without a bust? “Flat chested.”

Why are people dying to get into the cemetery? It’s “dirt cheap.”

Why are people dying to get out of the cemetery? They don’t dig it!

I’ve got my eye on that seat. Don’t sit on it!

Did you contact your optometrist?

I did a two-step with one foot. How’s that possible? I tapped “twice.”

Is that what you’re wearing? Why, you don’t like it? Go put some clothes on.

Your “poodle hairstyle” gives you that dog-face look.

I’m a slave in the kitchen, but I’m free in the bedroom.

You’re invited over for dinner – When my wife is not home.

Where is Second Avenue? Right after First. Can’t you read?

I never worry about making mistakes – I’ve got an eraser.

You’ve got “no brains.” So why am I thinking about you?

What is Manslaughter? When you slaughter a man in a pig pen.

This is a fishy story. “Fish tale of a whale.”

Paris Hilton is a real dummy. That’s a fact! She’s in “Madame Tussaud’s House of Wax.”

Send Miz Paris to speak at the United Nations. She would improve our sexual relations. Then Iran would be putty in our hands.

People say “I’m funny” but my objective is to get your money.

This is the end of the jokes my website friends.

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© Copyright 2010, a creation by The Jester from Westchester

(One laugh a day keeps the doctor away)

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